Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

Bugs me so much.

I have a 5 year old stepdaughter who I love very much. In fact ****I**** am pretty much raising her. My husband works alot ( 12-14 hours shifts), and her mother is off doing her own thing. I have a 13 and 11 year old ( previous marriage) and they also love her and they call her their sister.

Ok so the mother does have a little to do with her, sometimes she will come get her for a day, maybe 2, and usually on some holidays.

My problem is, I feel that I am rasing her child, I do everything for her, and yet I get treated as if I lock her in a closet all day.


The mother , her friends and family and anyone she knows thinks this about me. ( we live in a small town and when someone is spreading this around, everyone knows it) .

She will even take pictures from my facebook of her and put them as her own -- like when we went to the zoo, she copied every picture that didnt have me or my kids in it and put it on her profile as " our time at the zoo " .

Everytime my husband tries to talk to her about how crazy she is acting she will get mad and acts out with our little girl there. So we try to put up with it but it is driving me crazy .

I have even had a person yell at me in a grocery store parking lot for " treating her daughter so badly" ...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on May. 1, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (21)
  • Honestly, I would focus on "YOUR" kids. I know she's your stepdaughter and all, but no matter what you do, nothing is good enough. I'm not saying totally block her out of your life, and treat this situation like a sensitive one. You're not only dealing with the 5 year old, but the mom too, and this is so unfair, and your husband should be more supportive on the matter. Taking pictures from your facebook, and posing them as if their hers is childish to me. I know its tough, but the mom is the problem here not the 5 year old. Set boundaries, and rules.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 11:40 AM on May. 1, 2011

  • So who has custody of the child, Mom or Dad?  Why can't the mom have the child more? I really do not know your situation. So I can not respond to it like I want.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:41 AM on May. 1, 2011

  • How frustrating! I wish all step parents were so involved & so loving! And I wish that when parents get divorced, that they would act like mature grown-ups! This girl's mother is obviously jealous & feels threatened by you & your relationship w/ her dau. About the only thing you can do, is hold your head high, & ignore those who choose to believe her. The people who know you & your husb., are undoubtedly in your corner on this issue. You can't stop her from spreading lies & false rumors, but you can control how you respond to these lies, by continuing to provide a good home & role model for this little girl. She's lucky to have you! :)
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 11:43 AM on May. 1, 2011

  • I would just say if were bad parents why would the courts let us have her?


    It is such a same that the kids always suffer. I think you need to make plans to leave the area on the holidays, this way her mother can take her.
    Just give this child lots of love a she gets older she will see who he real mother is. Good Luck
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 11:45 AM on May. 1, 2011

  • Unfortunately you can't change people. She's not doing anything illegal. You either have to accept the situation the way it is or move. Neither is the ideal solution.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 12:12 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Tough situation. First, check your security on FB, you should be able to block people from tagging your pics. Secondly, all you can is love this child. She needs it and she deserves it. You should stop worrying about what other people are saying about you, you know it is not true. Do what is in the best interest of the child and just love her to pieces.
    sunrisekn

    Answer by sunrisekn at 12:15 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Yeah, thats kind of Creepy. I know a girl who would do that all the time because she lost custody of her kid. Her ex would take pics and she would put captions on like "look ____ loves his mommy" She would also stalk her ex online.

    She sounds like the same looney I had to deal with! Just try to block her and her close friends. She might feed off of attention so dont mention her in ANY posts.

    Good luck!
    Augusta

    Answer by Augusta at 12:16 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Well she is a step daughter, not your daughter and this is just one of many problems you will end up having over the next 13 yrs. Going in I am sure you knew she existed and knew the mom existed. If there is no custody order I would try and get one worked up and detailed so you will have less problems regarding the relationship and what happens, when it happens, bad mouthing and all of that.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:23 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • When you put pics up on FB you can block her specifically from seeing them. She can't copy them if she can't see them!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 12:25 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • I agree with Crafty 26, keep her out of your facebook photos. No point in giving her brownie points for being a sucky mom. If you continue being the positive presence in this girl's life people will see it, and so will your SD.  After a while people will realize that this mom is just full of herself, and not doing anything at all with her own daughter.  Sorry you have to deal with this.  Good luck (c:

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 12:49 PM on May. 1, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN