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Do step moms get offended by their step kids not including them?

I know every situation is different depending on the length of time you have been in a childs life. But we have recently had problems with my ex husbands new wife. I posted about graduation tickets and know my son wont invite her. I also know it will cause serious drama. The thing is she married his dad without inviting them to the wedding, without meeting him or his brother and sister first, without introducing them to their new step sisters. In fact they still havent met them. But for some reason she thinks because dad pays child support and talks to my son on the phone regularly he should just blindly accept her.

As a step mom do you expect the kids to just accept you and include you in everything? I am not trying to start drama I am seriously wondering. I have never been a step mom myself so I dont really understand it.

 
gemgem

Asked by gemgem at 2:11 PM on May. 1, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 42 (148,630 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • No - because most step kids hate the step parents. Lets be real, the step parent isn't the actual parent.
    Don't force him to invite her. I hated my dads new wife and never referred her as even "Step mom". Period.


    Now myself I am married to a man who has children , and they do not speak to me period. I do not blame them.
    I am sweet to them of course and would talk but they chose to hate me. Its FINE really because I know exactly where
    they are coming from.

    Step parents should expect the hatred and you know what, step parents should be called the new wife, not step mom or dad.
    It is not right because they are in no way the parent.


    Oh, and most "Step" parents think they run the show but do not. I don't blame your son.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • I don't invite my parents new spouses to much. My parents made the choice to not keep their marriage healthy and divorced. They made the choice to remarry people with kids. That is their family not mine. I only want those who I care about at special events. I think it is rather selfish of parents to expect their kids to just accept the new people they bring in and out of their lives.
    chaiteamomma

    Answer by chaiteamomma at 2:40 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • this isn't a one size fits all question. Each circumstance is different. So I will answer for this circumstance.
    As graduation tickets can be limited and this woman has not developed a relationship with your son, then in this instance, No, she should not be invited and she needs to realize that this situation is what it is and accept that.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 2:43 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Oh, absolutely. And its different when its how your situation is going. Totally understand! Works both ways I guess...

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • I think if a step parents has earned the honor of an invite to something like this by being as good of a step parents as they can, then I can see how this could be expected. If it would cause drama or something a good step parent wouldn't want to spoil the event with that and bow out gracefully. Unfortunately, not many do this bow out on their own thing and they have to be excluded to keep what would be a wonderful event from turning into a nasty family argument.
    Excluding her is not in any way unreasonable in this situation. This event is not a time for introductions to a new step mother, which can be an uncomfortable event...the only focus should be on the graduate and celebrating this fine accomplishment.
    CallMeAngie

    Answer by CallMeAngie at 2:31 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Edit: or new husband (which ever)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • I dont blame him either. I am just trying to understand I guess. I am remarried, but my husband has raised this son since he was 8 yrs old. His dad has only visited a handful of time on top of it. So for my son he just doesnt even see his dad as his DAD, let alone new wife as a step mom.
    gemgem

    Comment by gemgem (original poster) at 2:17 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Well to be fair his dad doesnt pay for everything, though they like to think they do lol. He pays 400 a month in support, but it costs more than that to raise a child. Our son works and even when he needs help for something his dad will tell him to work harder, then go onto post about getting "his girls" (step dds) a new 4 wheelers, new clothes etc. So yeah, my sons a little bitter.
    gemgem

    Comment by gemgem (original poster) at 2:44 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • My dad's wife and my mom's husband were NOT at my graduation. They are NOT my parents. My mom and dad were there. :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on May. 1, 2011

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