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10 Bumps

How to deal with my husband leaving?

My husband left last week and I'm finding it hard to pick up the pieces. He left without a word of warning, I just got a TEXT. A text for heaven's sakes telling me that he'd found a "new woman" and I would be hearing from him about child support and divorce. It was a big shock to say the least, I'd thought we had a loving marriage but obviously I was wrong.

Since he's left I've started re-setting up my business (I gave it up when I had my third child but luckily still have customers who are happy to go back to buying from me) and so financially I can take a deep breath but I don't know WHAT to tell my children. I'm upset too, I have 6 children and they are my life. They keep asking when they'll see daddy and I tell them he's gone away for a while but he's informed me he will not be returning. When I asked about the children he said he would be sending child support. I am shocked at his audacity, I'm not believing it at the moment.

I don't know what to do or what to tell the children. What can I tell them? What can I do? How do I disassemble my life almost? Papers? Finances? Joint bank accounts? I'm so confused and out of sorts.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on May. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • WoW!! Thats the lowest there....if anything he should come see his kids...Thats uncalled for...and child support for six kids is ALOT....as far as picking back up....its sooo hard I didnt go through a divorce but I was separated for awhile...its hard and very painful. Like you I didnt know how to tell my daughter. But to me you just have to be honest they will respect you more as they grow older if you are. They dont need to think that maybe just maybe one day he will come back because of course that is what they'll want. I spent 15 years wondering if my mom would ever come back...its going to be hard and even harder knowing that he is acting the way he is towards you and most of all towards those babies!! Its not right. I would save all those texts...it will be very useful in the divorce believe me....Good Luck if you want to add me as a friend just to talk to...to vent to I am always here!!! God Bless you and your babies....
    mrs.keen

    Answer by mrs.keen at 3:34 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Be honest with the kids right from the start. Tell them what happened, that Daddy sent you a message that he was leaving and not coming back. That he has a new woman and he has turned his back on you and the family. Tell them that you are very hurt and do not understand it either. This is blunt and hard for them and for you too hon, but better than telling them that daddy has gone away and you don't know when he is coming back. They would only hold out hope that perhaps tomorrow he will come back, or the next day, or the next. Explain to them it was nothing they did wrong, or something you did wrong- it was his choice alone to leave and he did not tell you why. They will be hurt, and so are you right now- but to let them go on expecting him to pop back in the door at anytime would be far worse for you and them. Find comfort in your kids, and let them get comfort from you.
    pinwheel

    Answer by pinwheel at 3:39 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • I was pretty straight up with my kid and I think she appreciated the honesty. Good luck.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 3:54 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Wow! I'm so terribly sorry. I would contact an attorney right away to make sure your interests are being looked out for.
    tspillane

    Answer by tspillane at 4:14 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • You take it one step at a time, until you recover and he children need to know the truth, I don't care how old they are, tell them dad found someone else and this is why he isn't coming home. You can do this without him and much more.....
    older

    Answer by older at 4:23 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • See an attorney. Make sure the child support he offers meets the "standard of living" that your children had when you were together. I would also ask for spousal support so you can get on your feet financially. It's not permanent, but will help.
    I'm so sorry he did this to you. It's obvious he's not the man you thought he was, so in the long run you may be much better off without him. I hope it all works out for you and your children. Be sure to see an attorney!
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 4:25 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • well, for starters your joint bank acct is probably empty (from him taking the money out and opening one in just his name) might want to check that and atleast take half out to open your own acct. Me i'd take it all... you will need it to support the 6 kids and maintain the household. for sure see an attorney and get things rolling, on your behalf.... don't wait on him to decide how much he's gonna give you. YOU werent the one who stepped out. WHAT A PIECE OF WORK HE IS.... UGHHHH ( hope she's worht it)
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 4:33 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • You need to see an attorney and sort out the financial aspect of it.. As for the kids, I would be honest. I have never heard of a man being so low so he does not deserve any compassion from you. According to the ages of your kids, be as honest as necessary. He deserves nothing, no respect, no protection. I feel for you. I hope it all works out and I hope you pick up the pieces and move on with your life..
    gutterflower585

    Answer by gutterflower585 at 5:28 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • I agree to be honest with the kids right now because they will have alot of questions even more. Only speak to them one at a time.
    Find a time when you are rested and will devote the time to answer their questions and comfort them.

    2. Get a lawyer quickly! Don't let him tell you what he will do. He means you NO GOOD at this point.

    3. Get all your financial things severed and separated before he cleans you out.

    Get a lawyer please.

    And just breathe. You are woman. You've been trough alot. You can fight more and you'll be just fine with a few tears and a hurting heart, but it will calm eventually.

    *HUGS*
    calliemist

    Answer by calliemist at 5:42 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Get a lawyer quickly! LIKE NOW!!!!!


    Be honest with the kids as others have said... they are in this too. Maybe set up some counseling for you, and for you & the kids!!

    But get a lawyer on your side ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 5:57 PM on May. 1, 2011

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