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Is this really fair?

Mother in law asked me if my daughter would like to have the Ipod Nano that they got as a gift and don't know how to use. I said I would ask her. She said YES that she would like to have it. Now mil and fil are saying no they can't give it to her because it would be unfair to other grandchildren because its a very expensive gift. I really think they are afraid of upsetting bil and sil who are very sensitive. Now I had to go back and tell my daughter all of this and I can't tell if shes really hurt, but her comment was....well, they spend money on K (my niece) all year round. SO I think shes kinda hurt about it. I think they should just do what they said they were going to do regardless of who gets mad. I would love to hear from grandmothers here... thanks in advance.


Asked by momofsaee at 9:37 AM on Dec. 4, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (56 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I think even though you have told her that they aren't going to give it to her, you should tell your MIL that she made this mess, and SHE will clean it up. If they aren'g going to give it to her, the your MIL should tell her!

    Answer by Tae at 11:05 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Well, I'm not a grandmother, but I do have a suggestion. Maybe you could give it to her as a gift from you? Maybe pay the gparents for it. I realize it's expensive but it's a thought. I know how it goes with more getting spent on one than on others. Gparents can say they don't have favorites, but you can tell. At least I can. Besides that, who cares? This will be something your dd will always remember and that's not a good thing. It might make her resentful one day, if she isn't already. JMO. Good luck.

    Answer by momofthree1084 at 9:43 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I'm not a grandma but would have to agree with your daughter. My in-laws were here for Thanksgiving and they brought a whole bunch of Christmas/pre-Christmas gifts and said they give the cousins things all year and don't get to shower our children as much since we don't live near them. Why can't grandma just not tell/let the other family know, keep it on the low-down? They would never have to know who gave the ipod to your daughter.

    Answer by eminelson at 9:45 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Good lesson for your daughter - even grandparents are jerks.

    It's their gift, it's their money but it's YOUR choice how this impacts your daughter. She needs your love and affection more than any iPod. And you need to let them know, nicely and respectfully, that they are big jerky jerkertons who need to be better grandparents.

    Answer by Wimsey at 10:10 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I am a Grandmother and hers were wrong. You never, evewr ask a child something and not follow through. They see it as broken promises/trust. I'm sure your daughter is hurt.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:37 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Yes it was wrong of them, they made a it's not the end of the world. Deal with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • well anon i guess when someone hurts your child you just don't care. i frankly would be pissed and i would let them no that

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Thanks ladies for your responses. I love the nasty "deal with it" from anon....LOL.....Warms my heart for people to be themselves but hide behind the anon label...he he.......I havent lost sleep over this one little bit but its the first time in a long time that I have been peeved with them. They ususally very dependable and do as they say they are going to do people. I just wished she had not asked me to ask S ( my daughter). Because they are so dependable, it never dawned on me that they might change their minds. Thats a rare thing for them. I think I agree with you Teri, that mil should tell S and not leave it to us to do. Also when she does this, she calls DH and NOT me. Simply because she didn't want to confront me about it. I love that our family is basically drama free, but occasionally we have tiffs too.

    Answer by momofsaee at 12:57 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Also, let me add that my irritation with this is not about my daughters feelings. She hasn't said how she feels about it. My irritation is that I know why my MIL is doing this. Because she doesn't want to upset my BIL and SIL who are so overly sensitive that they run everytime someone hurts their feelings. Shes coddling them and thats whats bugging me. They know that my husband and I wouldn't get upset at something like this but they don't know that about them...Thats my peeve.

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:05 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Thats too bad. I know if I was your daughter, yes my feelings would be hurt. They never should have offered something only to retract it later. Thats unfair to a child

    Answer by lilymama03 at 1:25 PM on Dec. 4, 2008