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3 Bumps

Single mom w/ herpes...help!

I got herpes from my DS's dad. It didn't bother me too much when I found out b/c we were together and I never imagined that we wouldn't be.

But now we're not.

I've only been with two other people since him & I did tell them before hand that I had herpes. They didn't care b/c they just wanted to hook up. I liked them both, but I knew that they didn't want a relationship-just to hook up. So now I'm not dating either one of them. I recently met someone AMAZING and I like him a lot. We have everything in common & we get along so well. He is also a single parent to a toddler. I can just see us doing so much together & being happy. We made out a lot, but I wouldn't have sex with him. He started to sense that something was wrong. I knew that time was coming for me to tell him. So I did. He left shortly after that after giving me a hug. He thanked me for telling him and said he felt bad for me and he was kind of upset...obviously this was a major deal breaker.

He texted me the next day and told me that he thinks I'm amazing, but my "situation" is too much to handle. He doesn't want to continue dating me, but that it's not goodbye.

I haven't been heartbroken in so long. He did exactly what I thought he would do & I am not angry with him. My feelings are so hurt. I am sad b/c I think that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. My ex wants me back, but I don't see myself being with him. I am not in love with my ex. He has hurt me so bad. He doesn't take care of his son financially, but he does care for him. I am starting to get desperate and think that I will just be with him and force myself to make it work b/c I am afraid that I will be alone forever. Which means that my DS won't have a dad around. I am so distraught. What should I do? I am so lonely. This is the first person that I've really fell for and I can't even help me. Do I have a chance of changing is mind? I kind of joke to myself and say that I'll marry him if I accidentally give him herpes. I know that's messed up, but I try to find some humor in this. Please...what advice to you have?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on May. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • When the time comes, you will find someone. Just because you think he was the one does not mean he was. Have patience.
    babygirl0782

    Answer by babygirl0782 at 5:08 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • I'm going to go anon on this one for the sake of SO.

    We had been friends for a long time when we decided to get together. We dated for 2 months before we had sex. Before we did, he said that he wanted to talk. he told me that he had herpes. He was really upset about it and thought that I would walk away. I didn't because I knew what herpes was and how you can have a fulfilling sex life with someone that has it. It wasn't a dealbreaker to me and told him as much.
    Most people are afraid of what they don't know about. Similar to when AIDS came out...all you heard was don't touch someone with it cause you could get it.
    I don't know what you can do with this guy because he doesn't see like a person that is willing to take a risk but you will find someone that is willing to overlook something that is very minor in the whole scheme of life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:10 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • I'm so sorry, I know exactly what you're going through, you should look into the herpes group on cafe mom. nonjudgemental advice and support :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:11 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Just be patient...good luck.
    Unique11

    Answer by Unique11 at 5:23 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Personally, if my man told me that he had herpes, it wouldn't be a dealbreaker cuz I just love the dude to death. You will find someone who will feel that way about you!
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 5:29 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • First you need to find out as much as you can about herpes. That is important. here ae some medications that help lessen outbreaks. You are only contagious when you have an outbreak, but sometimes it is hard to tell when you have one. You should always use a condom. If you had with your ex, you probably wouldn't have herpes but would not have your child either. He did you a disservice by not telling you ahead of time that he had herpes himself. One out of every 4 girls in my state has some type of STD. They got them from some guy who may have gotten them from another girl. It is dangerous to be promiscuous in these days. The guys you dates who just wanted to hook up -- if they had sex with you, you could have gotten something from them so you do need to get checked to make sure you have only herpes. There are more and more people who do have herpes so you may meet someone who does have and who tells you. Be careful
    Sweet_Carol_126

    Answer by Sweet_Carol_126 at 5:42 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Exactly what emmandlisa said. Exactly.
    Saya

    Answer by Saya at 5:49 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Wow, my heart goes out to you. You are amazing in my eyes to tell them before hand that you have a STD! There I think is a dating site for people who have herpes.
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 7:13 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • The fact that you have the integrity to tell them up front that you have herpes will go a long way toward helping you find the man who is the one for you.

    I would never go out looking for someone with herpes to date. If I met someone who did have herpes, my decision to continue dating him wouldn't really be based on the herpes, unless I could tell that he was very lax in caring for his own health and didn't show that he would take steps to protect my health. My decision to continue dating him would be based on his personality, on how well we'd be getting along and where I'd seen the relationship going before he told me he had herpes.

    I very seriously doubt you will be alone forever. You haven't found someone yet because that person that is special enough, worthy enough to be a part of your life, and your son's life, just hasn't arrived yet. But he will. Be patient; he'll be well worth this wait.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:58 PM on May. 1, 2011

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