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Does anyone else feel this way?

We were at my inlaw's last Christmas and my son's cousin was trying to get him to hang out at some place called the "dope trail" in our town, which is where the high school kids go to the woods and smoke pot. My husband's aunt couldn't understand why I wouldn't let him. She got angry and said "my kid doesn't do that and if a cop showed up and said he did, well I'd believe my kid over an adult any day. You should believe your kid". She started saying what a bad controlling mother I was that I wouldn't trust my 14 YO son... So my son was asking "why can't you be more like her" and I smacked his shoulder and said " Because I'm your MOM, not your BUDDY, and I would believe an adult authority figure over you". con'td

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plylerjones

Asked by plylerjones at 9:55 AM on Dec. 4, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 11 (508 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • So of course my DH's aunt was all up in my face, saying that was bad parenting. But we have been honest w/ out son, we WOULD believe most adults if they claimed to have caught him doing something wrong. Does anyone else feel that way, or do you think that 14 is old enough to trust him? Also, his cousin was caught smoking pot there this summer... at least his mom shut up.... If you weren't going there to smoke pot, then what would you be going there for?
    plylerjones

    Answer by plylerjones at 9:57 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • You did the right thing plain and simple. Your not always going to be liked as you can see, but you make those choices anyway for the good of your child, and he'll appreciate it later on and he'll definately be better off with those decsicions you made.
    Apr1l

    Answer by Apr1l at 9:57 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • DH's aunt sounds like a wuss.

    You know you did the right thing.

    We are parents, not buddies.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 10:06 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • This week in my town we had a 17 yr old murdered by her 30 yr old boyfriend. He lived at the house with mom and daughter. Why? Because Mom didn't want to upset the girl by telling her no. Her child, only child BTW, is dead because she was more interested in being her friend than in making the hard decisions. You keep doing what you're doing Mom. 14 is a dangerous age. It is a time kids often fall prey to peer pressure. You have to begin to trust him..but you also have to avoid situations frought with danger.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:17 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Thanks! BTW, last year our 14YO was with a questionable "friend" and his buddy was caught shooting out windows in an abandoned duplex (they other side was occupied, however, in the low-income housing section of our town). Even though his friend did tell the police my son was not involved, he still got caught hell. He kept saying "but I didn't do anything" and my DH and I explained the concept of "wrong place, wrong time, wrong people, and wrong situation". He doesn't hang around w/ that "friend" anymore.... probably because his buddy was caught breaking into the local laundrymat and stealing money from the machines with a crowbar. He's now in juvenile justice center for the next 6 months. Of course, his "mom" says he didn't do it, he was set up by the police who don't like them because they are poor, but they have it on VIDEO!!!
    plylerjones

    Answer by plylerjones at 10:24 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Is this "aunt" gonna be there if your son gets arrested? Is "aunt" gonna bail him out and clear his record..what a skank!
    sydsmom2

    Answer by sydsmom2 at 10:25 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I agree with trusting your child, and believing your child over someone else, to a point. But going to someplace called the "dope trail"? No, sorry. As much as I might trust my child, and want to believe them over someone else, I'm not going to let them go there. If it was the skating rink or something similar, I'd say the aunt could have a point. But to me, asking to go to the "dope trail", they might as well be saying, "hey mom, can I go do some drugs?" I'm on your side on this one. Your aunt needs to stay out of it and be a better parent.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:32 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • You did the right thing, there would be no other reason for them to be going there. You should have trust in your child unless they do something to break that trust but that doesn't mean he gets to do whatever he wants.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 11:48 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Why play with fire and put your kid in any situation that promotes risky behavior? Your husband's aunt has no business criticizing your good parenting decisions.
    PtownStarfish

    Answer by PtownStarfish at 11:54 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • that aunt needs to butt out. if she knew ppl smoked pot there, why would ANYONE let their child be anywhere around that? that would seem irresponsible to me.

    so kudos to you. you're doing a good job. i also think it's good to let your kid know you trust him. and if he ever breaks that trust... he will regret it.
    r.e.l.s.m.o.m.

    Answer by r.e.l.s.m.o.m. at 10:36 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

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