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3 Bumps

Is adoption pushed as the only option in schools by counsellors or teachers or something?

My daughter made a mistake and has become pregnant as a result, she's 16. She's a very mature 16 and does not believe in abortion. She went to the school counsellor to get some advice and decided she'd like to go alone and get the information as our local doctor recommended. She'd almost definitely decided she wanted to keep the child and wanted to get information about staying in school, home school programs and such. When she got back she had dozens of leaflets on adoption and said she now realized it was pretty much the only option for her because she was 16 and at 16 you cannot adequately care for a child so if I won't take the child (I will if pushed as I have the finances and would not want my little grandchild raised outside the family when I have the means) then she will be putting them up for adoption.

I am confused, aren't they meant to give the full picture and tell them about every option? She said when she went in and asked about options if she decided to have the child they thought she was joking and kept talking about what to look for in a couple who could take the baby. She thinks now that it's all a happy lovely scenario where she gives them a gift and she feels great and they feel great and everything's fine. But we all know for birth mothers it hurts A LOT.

I'm quite angry right now - fair enough if she comes to adoption on her own but she has definitely been influenced by the school. I wish they'd have told her she'd could raise a baby - not knocked her confidence.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:17 PM on May. 1, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (28)
  • they give teens all the options but yes, they do push for adoption more
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:20 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • By law they cannot influence any teenager in their school who is pregnant. They can only offer information the student is asking for. I am sorry your dd had this experience. My own dd was 16 also when she got pregnant. We are devout Catholic so obviously abortion was not an option. My dd is raising her son and did just fine. She is married now with two children and her son, and now dd, are everything to her.
    You need to call social services because here we have a teen pregnancy support group. They usually help the girls with baby clothes, parenting classes, day care assistance etc. I would also complain to the principal and tell them they need to keep their opinions to themselves. I am willing to bet it is just one stupid person there doing it.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:21 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Thank you gemgem, I will call social services and see if I can get her a support group, I'm sure it would be good for her to get some first hand information and maybe meet some other people who've been through the experience and to see the realities of raising a child.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:23 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Your welcome and if you ever need anything feel free to contact me. My dd is almost 22 now and I remember how hard it was back then when she was first pregnant. It is such a mixed emotion we go through.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:25 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • Yeah, I'm pretty sure the school has NO right to even discuss options to her. That is for her to decide. Everyone will probably boo me, but Planned Parenthood NEVER told me what to do, but counseled me on ALL options, without bias. I can't believe a school is showing preference! wow!
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 7:35 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • They present all options. They do not push one option over the others in an attempt to prevent this very thing. They know that no matter how the material is presented someone will take issue.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 7:49 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • How are your daughter and the baby's father planning to support this child, and complete their educations? Why does a sixteen year old think that being a parent is a good idea?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:54 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • A 16 year old CAN make a good parent and finish school, especially if their parents are willing to help out. It won't be easy but I have seen teens do it. A friend of mine had a baby at 17 and is an amazing mom. Her baby was born severely disabled and that TEEN did an amazing job going to college and raising her daughter until her daughter passed away at about 10 years old. It helps if the teen has a good support system and understands how hard parenting is they can do a good job.

    I know ADULTS who are horrible parents and have no business being parents so it isn't always age that determines how someone will parent.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:03 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • i would let her talk with someone who choice adoption and let them tell her the good and bad points first..
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 9:09 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • it would be a good idea to introduce her into a program that could discuss all options for her. Let her know that if she really does want to keep the baby that you will help her. I had my daughter when I was 16 and we are doing just fine. I finished high school ahead of time, started college at 17 and my daughter is very bright and healthy.
    TiffanieK

    Answer by TiffanieK at 9:24 PM on May. 1, 2011

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