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2 Bumps

Why wont my MIL just butt out and let me be a mom! ?

I am absolutly fed up with my MIL! She tries to help us out wayyy too much, and while my husband and his previous gf might have appriciated her helping them with thier baby since they were 20 when they had her, i do NOT need help riasing my child. She is also colic and they act like im such a POS cause i want to be the one holding her when shes screaming her head off. Shouldnt her mother be the one to comfort her in a time of need? Then between all that the grandparents make comments about the kinds of nipples i use to feed her, the clothes i put on her, the diapers i use.. what happened to being able to do what i wanted with my own child..? She also makes comments to my husband about how i dont pay attention to the step child like i should and that im obsessed with my baby exc. Im absolutly fed up. She calls my husband at least twice a day just to see how everyone is doing, i think she does it just to see what we are doign with our kids to see if it meets her expectations. She tries to tell us how to dispilpline our 6 year old which included pretty much no dispipline at all which we dont agree with. How can i tell her to BUTT OUT! cause im about to do it in not such a nice way!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:39 AM on May. 2, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • Your HUSBAND needs to step up and tell her to MYOB. She will NOT stop until she is MADE to stop. Do NOT let her interfere or else she will never stop, she will control your entire lives.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:41 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • This is your husband's to handle. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:43 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • NannyB. You are sooooo right! lol

    Answer by SWEETPEAS3MOM at 11:44 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • You can get as frustrated as you want if your husband does not realize his mother is over stepping her boundaries nothing will change. It will only cause a rift in your marriage and maybe bring his mom closer. If you want to hold your baby when she cries and to be alone. When you feed her, take her into your bedroom (if other family members are visiting) and feed her and change her clothes then when she's calm and dressed how you like or what not, bring her out to enjoy her grandparents. If someone comments on her clothes, say 'well I like it' and say nothing else. If they ask about her feeding nipples, tell them you have it taken care of. Sometimes you have to tell ppl in a nice way to mind their business. Been there done that with my 1st MIL. i feel your pain. GL

    Answer by thelovelymzbre at 11:45 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • Best advice is make Dh say something. I had this issue and until DH said something nothing I said or did helped. DH needs to understand how all this makes you feel.

    Answer by SuzanneL09 at 11:55 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • Thanks everyone, Its just so frustrating, because im 26 now and i made the decision to become a mother, therefore i CAN handle it and i WILL handle it just fine. Another problem is that we have to go over there SOOO much, I think i need to tell my husband that we can go over there once in a while but doesnt need to be ALL the time! Im just soooo tired of even seeing them and i get mad every single time, we actually had a huge fight with them a few weeks ago and didnt speak to them for 2 weeks due to them trying to tell us we were disiplining our 6 year old too much. They think there just such CLOSE family and all this crap im like yeh maybe tooo close cause i really dont care to see that much of them and i deff dont want them thinking they can raise my child and be the one to take her on when shes colic or when shes fussy.. thats just a mothers thing if you ask me. She could cry 24 hours a day and id still want to be the one!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:57 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • Be lucky you have someone to help sweetie, I never got to meet my mil she passed away when my husband was only 16 and the rest of our family chooses to not be there for us. Sounds like she is a very carying mother and your husband should be very lucky to have her around. If you feal like she is overstepping her boundrys just sit down with her and you guys talk to her nicely about it. But dont ruin the relationship by blowing up on her one day cause thats not fair to her, its up to you guys to have good comuntication with her. GL

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 11:58 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • Your husband needs to man up an tell her to stop that she is grandma not mom.

    Answer by EJKZ at 11:59 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • Maybe you could sit her down and just have an honest chat with her, tell her how it makes you feel when she puts you down or doesn't approve of how you handle things. Tell her that you'd like to have a good relationship with her and you will do your part but she has to do her part too. Tell her exactly where the line is and what crossing it will make you feel like. I always believe honesty is the best policy but we have to be kind in our honesty. Maybe explain to her that she would not like it if your father treated her son that way, on his butt and in his business all the time criticising everything. Good luck, it's hard enough to have a colicky baby and feel like you are not a good enough mom anyway! God bless!

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:00 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Share your concerns with your husband and let him handle it. Let him decide how to tactfully tell his parents that, while he appreciates all their help and enthusiasm, the two of you need some time to learn about being a family.

    Also, while I'm sure it's extremely frustrating, try to understand where your MIL is coming from. She's raised children and knows what she's talking about. She just wants to help and make sure you are doing the best for your baby! Just wait until you're a MIL, watching floundering new parents attempt to care for an infant =)

    Answer by Mousuke at 3:00 PM on May. 2, 2011

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