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How do you deal with loved ones trying to guilt you into doing things for them?

Anything from, "I don't have any money because I spent it all on presents for your children, and now I can't afford to go out to eat for my sister's birthday," with the expectation of you paying for the meal--to, "I'm sick, and this is the only thing I ever ask you for, and it might be the last year I get to do this."

This would be something that happens all the time, not just once in a while when the person wants something really badly. Would you give in to save a fight? Would you give in for a while until you got tired of it? Would it matter whether it was a frivolous request or something serious? Would it matter what was being used to guilt you (i.e., spending money on unrequested presents versus a life-threatening illness)? How would you turn the person down if you decided not to give in?

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DragonRiderMD

Asked by DragonRiderMD at 11:39 AM on May. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (14,603 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Sounds like you just need to learn how to say "no." I recommend a book for you. It's BOUNDARIES by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. People know when you don't have proper boundaries and they will take full advantage of you every opportunity they get. Get the book and read it. It will help you tremendously!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:41 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • I'd say no one asked you to buy presents, Your participation in the children's lives is present enough. As for other requests I'd just take it one at a time. Ask yourself if its really hurting you to grant their request. If it does, say sorry I just can't. Be nice about it, but firm in your decision.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 11:42 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • Just because you share a common bloodline or name doesn't mean you're obligated to do ANYTHING for them. And I'm SICK of people thinking that you have to bend over backwards for them because you're related! I've been dealing with similar mess in my family, and I've gotten so tired of it, I've started telling them where to stick it!
    CeeCee333

    Answer by CeeCee333 at 11:45 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • my boyfriend has this problem with his family and that is the ONE characterisitc about him I do-not like. He cant say no. His mom has always been the one using him, if she doesn't get her way, she claims she might die soon and it will be all his fault. And through guilt he'll do whatever she asks him even if it hurts him to do it. You can help someone but not so much to where you're hurting yourself. I always tell him you're going to keep giving to the point you look up and you have nothing left over for yourself. Being helpful to someone doesn't mean be their doormat.
    thelovelymzbre

    Answer by thelovelymzbre at 11:51 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • I never hand out money. I have let people/ family borrow money & if they can't pay it back....then hat's the last time It'll ever happen...

    If it's for something else they are trying to guilt me into, I'd do it if i could. if it was a burden to me, i would tell them it's a burden. If i thought they were taking advantage of me, i would tell them i think they're taking advantage of me & that i don't like how it feels.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:53 AM on May. 2, 2011

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