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****UPDATE**** How would you handle this situation? adult content

Just to let everyone know I ended up talking to my husband about this situation because it was bothering me really bad.  His response was as follows sorry about the language "I don't give a f****** damn about what she thinks about how we are raising our boys and she has no f****** right telling us that we need to be going to church and she is no longer welcome here; nor will she be doing anything more with our boys; and where does she come off telling us how to raise our boys when she has never had children of her own.  And as far as "forcing" yourself on the rest of the family you don't need to be doing that either.  And if we move no one is going to know where we are moving to".  So that is his feelings about this.  He wasn't happy and he also said that this weekend was not the time or place to be b******* at me or reading me the riot act about these things. 

What would you say? This may get long--sorry. Here is the situation--

My sister is a very religious person goes to church all the time very involved with everything related to church. So here is the thing every time she comes into town(she lives 2 and 1/2 hours away) she is always questioning me to weather or not we are going to church and if we are doing everything we can about our financial situation and if things are getting resolved with it or not.


This is an every time thing and I don't know how to answer because when I do she jumps into me as to why or why not we are doing what we are(she only does this when it is her and I she doesn't do this in front of my husband). She is also always trying to tell me how to raise my boys(and she has no children of her own) and that I need to be doing this or not do this or do this a certain way or not do this a certain way and so on.


She was here this past weekend and we went to the Vermontville Maple Syrup festival and she was all over me for different things. She had me close to tears several times and I just wanted to get away from her(I know I shouldn't feel this way but when she starts preaching at me and everything that is the way I feel).


She also made a few comments that she doesn't like being used by people and that it hurts her when she tries to help people and they just let things go and so on. My question is what would you do or say? I am not a person that likes to cause ruffles or make people mad but my nerves can't take much more of this from her.

BTW we were raised Baptist and went to church every Sunday and Wednesday and went to Awana and all those things associated with the church when I was little; so I know some of the things she is saying stems from the way we were raised.

 
Christmaslver68

Asked by Christmaslver68 at 11:47 AM on May. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 47 (254,089 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I would tell her that I am very happy she has her Church and her religion, BUT it really is not her business if I belong to a religion or attend Church. I would remind her that everyone has the right to worship in their own way, and have their own beliefs, and I would prefer not to discuss this matter again. (and then I would change the subject, and every time she starts to hound me I would say "not your business" and change the subject). As for her child-rearing "advice" I would tell her that I did not ask her opinion and since she does not have kids and has not "been there done that" she really has no place to judge on parenting skills or tell you how to raise your children. If she wants to hand out parenting advice then maybe she had better have her own kids and practice what she preaches!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:01 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I'd tell her no one asked for her help!
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 11:49 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • I would tell her that only God can judge you and leave it at that.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 11:49 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • Hugs !! I would tell her to stand infront of her own mirror and quit judging and trying to change your life. Remind her that it is not her job to "change people". Helping people" doesn't mean they will change and be whatever she wants them to be, that is not helping, that is trying to control. She is also trying to control you and your child. " I don't need you to tell me how to live my life", Be honest and give it back to her. She does this because you allow it and don't stand up to her. Give her back what she gives to you and maybe she will get the point. Prior to that have an honest conversation. Do not be afraid to tell her the facts of her character. Just because she goes to church etc doesn't mean she has faith and unconditional love. I can sit in a garage all day and it still won't make me a car.. :-)
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 11:54 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • Did you borrow money from her? How does she know about your financial situation? I would be distant from her for a bit, or the next time she had you close to tears, go ahead and cry and let her know how she makes you feel.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:54 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • i would mention to her in the nicest way possible that it is hard for you to spend time with her and enjoy your time with her because she makes it that way by talking down to you and to please keep her opinions to herself, she is in no way helping you, you will raise your family the way you want to. and if she can't respect any of that then to maybe cut her visits to maybe a once a month or once every 6 months.

    you could do it by email if thats easiest in order to get your thoughts out correctly or by phone (it is hard for me to say what i want to in person).
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 11:57 AM on May. 2, 2011

  • Tell her that you are done defending your life choices to her. Tell her you are at your breaking point and though it hurts you to have to do it you will not continue to discuss those topics with her. When she does it again (everyone tests boundaries) grab your kids and walk away. Leave her sitting there and don't say another word to her until she apologizes. You can't change her. Knowing that you must decide whether you are going to get thicker skin or end this relationship. Or there's allways the third option... Stay miserable.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 2:29 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Unless she is helping you financially it's none of her business. I'd just shut her down everytime she brought up these subjects, tell her you'd prefer to have a nice visit with her and that unless she thinks your kids are in danger she should leave that subject alone too.
    Ashes0813

    Answer by Ashes0813 at 3:58 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • does she pay your bills? do you owe her money? if not then tell her to mind her business. what you do in your life with your husband and your children is none of her business. i hate when people who don't have children give advice on how to raise children. and if you still feel uncomfortable with her tell her to ask your husband about such things and see how she likes that. hopefully your husband can put her in her place if you can't. and if that hurts her feelings or makes her mad to bad, she shouldn't be asking such personal questions to begin with.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 4:00 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • no she doesn't pay our bills no we don't owe her any money nor have we borrowed any from her. I learned a long time ago not to borrow money from family.
    Christmaslver68

    Comment by Christmaslver68 (original poster) at 6:39 AM on May. 3, 2011

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