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I feel like such a terrible mom...

I worked part-time (well, 32 hours a week) since my first son was 14 months old. I finally became a stay-at-home mom last October, and it was my dream ever since my first son was born! Now, only 6 months later, I'm hating it. I have a 4 year old and a 19 month old, and watch another 4 year old full-time Monday through Friday. My husband is gone 12 hours a day, 6:30am to 6:30pm during the week, and usually ends up working in the evenings from home as well. I am exhausted and drained by the end of the day and sometimes can't wait to get away!! I feel like such a terrible mom because of this.

I have seriously considered going back to work part-time just to get away, but if I have to pay for daycare, it just wouldn't be worth it money wise. Also, my oldest is starting preschool in September so I would have to find a way to transport him back and forth. In addition, I want to become a labor doula, and with births being so unpredictable, it would be difficult to find a job that would offer this sort of leniency.

I'm torn. I love my boys, and I want to enjoy being a stay-at-home mom, but I just don't. Does anyone else feel this way? Do you have any suggestions that might help?

Answer Question
 
MichaelsMom330

Asked by MichaelsMom330 at 12:44 PM on May. 2, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,334 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • What do you do just for you? Do you have any friends/family you can visit and get away for an hour or so? Involve your kids in walks to the park or somewhere local they can play. Getting outside the home I think is essential for mental health for a SAHM!

    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 12:46 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • i became a stay at home mom too..it lasted about 3mnths..and i was nuts and ended up going back to work..but once i did i hated that too..and decided to go back home about 4mnths later..now i have been at home for several yrs i would say at least 6 and i love it..i have a dd 15mnths and i wouldnt trade it for the world! i think it was a phase i went thru..if you go back to work and decide u dont like it you can always go back home
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 12:48 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Why feel guilty? Seriously, there is NOTHING wrong with wanting and NEEDING time for yourself. If going back to work part time helps then do it! Staying at home isn't for everyone, and there isn't a right or wrong way. I stayed home, but my kids are 5.5 years apart, so it was easier for me. When my youngest was at a very difficult age, I joined a gym that offered daycare, that was a life saver for me. A happy momma makes for a happy home
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 12:49 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I agree with the above. And you have to find things to do with other mom's so not only are your kids interacting with other kids but you get to interact with other adults.
    Syphon

    Answer by Syphon at 12:49 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Dont feel guilty its normal to feel this way sometimes. Being a mom is hard work and with no real world life line is can be exhausting. I have been a SAHM off and on for 22 yrs. My best advice is to always take time for yourself. I dont care if it is 20 minutes of quiet time, take it. I used to go to the tanning bed while my husband waited in the car with the kids. It was 15 of pure bliss with no one asking me for anything. As they got bigger I took more time, an hour or two twice a week at the book store grabbing coffee with my friends. It does get better. And remember before you know it theyll ALL be in school all day long and you will miss them being underfoot all day.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:50 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Dont feel like a bad mom its hard work to do the stay at home mom thing. Going from a hard working person then throwing yourself into someone who sits around at home taking care a child(ren) all day long its difficult. I became sahm when my daughter was born I went from 60+hours a week to sitting at home, it took a long time longer then six months to get used to it all I'd say more like a year. I dont have any advice for ya but I totally get what you mean & where you are coming from. Good luck, you will figure out what works best for your family.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 12:50 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • think about the people that have it more difficult than you.that seems fairly easy to me. i'm a sahm of 3 under 3 and my df works 7 days a week for month out of state. so dont feel bad there are others out there that would love to have things so easy
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 12:51 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I agree.... its hard going for independence to depending on....... and your job doesnt have a time to clock out and go home, .its 24/7. getting out to the park or something like that will break up the day and help you meet others which can lead to play dates and friendships for you aswell. with more activities.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 12:51 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • This is what I struggle with everyday. I too am a SAHM, have been for 7 1/2 yrs. I have a 2 1/2 yr old at home with me all day. I am on my own day in, day out. I have no one to babysit, to give me a break. My dh works two jobs, so that we can afford me staying home. I have seriously considered going back to work, but with the cost of day care, I would not be getting ahead. And, I could never get anything done around the house. Plus, I would miss the summers here with the kids. When I really stop to think about it, I am where I should be. We all are going to have bad days, but we have to be strong and keep on going. Everyone is different, and only you know what is best for you and your family. I wish you the best!!! If you ever need to talk, I am here for you!
    AngieBry

    Answer by AngieBry at 12:56 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I think you need a break once in awhile,, maybe next weekend do something for just yourself. Can you take the child you watch places with you,, it is getting warmer out, so park visits etc.. might help, but your right about getting a part-time job, you would just be spinning your wheels.. Maybe you can join a play group of some sort, at least when your home you can watch a bit of TV or get on the computer. but now your not wrong to feel this way!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:58 PM on May. 2, 2011

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