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How do I leave?

I am emotionally detached from my marriage. I have put forth the effort and now basically feel as if I am going thru the motions. I want to leave, I had hoped to finish school first but suddenly that seems so far off. I work full time and go to school. So I have income coming in but because of my husband I have nothing saved, and have no extra to spare. My credit sucks because I have always sacraficed in order for us to be able to merely survive while he would contribute when he decided to, and honestly I could kick myself for allowing it, although I harped on him about it on a regular basis. He contributes only when I tell him he has to, and that is minimal at best. How can I leave when I have nothing to leave with? I know I can pay the bills, but I need a new place. I wont' live in this house, I can't. It is next to his parents and that would be a punishment in its own. If I leave we have to leave and get out of this environment, but that is so hard to do. To try to find a place with no money and 3 kids. What can I do? How do I leave? Suggestions and help please.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on May. 2, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • i would start looking for places before you leave anywhere. you dont want to be unstable with children becasue your hubby can use that against you in court an take your kids. put up with it a little longer, open a savings, try to save and start looking for places to move. do you have any family? if you need to leave immeadiately, will they be able to help you and how long will you be able to stay with them? you have kids, dont make any sudden moves because they need stability. i hope you find help!

    Answer by KiraStadnik at 2:04 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Start saving. Open a bank account of your own and tell him to start contributing financially. if you have to cut out or cut down on bills.


    Answer by louise2 at 2:00 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Love is blind, hes a jerk. instead of paying this months rent make him pay it and find an apt. that you can afford and let him know that it over.. Im sorry you have to go through this

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 1:59 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Woe mom. Well you see once you leave and get divorced with 3 kids the child support will be very helpful and there are so many programs that help single mothers. There is Habitat for Humanity who will help build you a house for a fraction of nothing and ( No credit check) the government will give you medicaid for your kids health care or make your ex-hubby pay for their health insurance and if that were not enough if your kids are still young the government helps pay for Childcare. You just have to search in your city where these offices are and what exactly needs to be done. You will be ok mom. Huggs

    Answer by MexTexmom2 at 2:02 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Are you sure that this cannot be worked out? If not, I would make a plan tell DH he is to give you x amont from every paycheck, look for an apartment that requires no deposit, file for custody, and child support before you go! So sorry momma!

    Answer by kimigogo at 2:10 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • well support will be minimal at best since hubby is self employed.....and to tell hubby to give me x amount from ea check when he does not have a regular check poses a challenge....and a reason why I am so frustrated with always having to be the only responsible one. I have given him too much and I feel like a doormat and I hate it here some days.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:46 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Have a serious conversation with him about it. I moved in with my two kids into my parents home when we were divorcing. Helps financially. Actually you need a legal separation because you don't want ur credit messed up any further at this point. Maybe if you tell him you want a legal separation maybe he'll change? Either way explore your options. I think with Section 8 you pay 1/3 of your pay towards your housing which includes the utilities in an apt. Look into HUD as well. Maybe you can sell stuff off as well.

    Answer by istealcookies at 3:09 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I agree with most of the previous answers. The first thing you need to do is to look into agencies that will help you. Call your City Hall for information; talk to friends and family to help you with this. Don't make any rash decisions that will upset your kids. Definitely start saving money on your own either in a bank or somewhere secure without your husband's knowledge. Then sit down with him to present a plan to divide the responsibilities: paying rent, utilities, food bills, saving money. Let him think and feel like you are trying to "mend fences" while you make your plan of action. Since you are a full-time student, there must be a counselor available whom you could also go to for help and information. Gather as much legal information as you can as applies to your children, again from trust-worthy friends and family, as well as on the Internet. Do not allow him to walk all over you anymore; do it for your kids.

    Answer by rosiemendo at 4:40 PM on May. 2, 2011