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4 Bumps

Is it ok to see who she is talking to on Facebook??

I have 3 step daughters and 3 kids of my own. The oldest of my stepdaughters used to live with us but she didnt like the fact that there were rules so she went back home. Now the middle one will be 13 years old on wednesday and she came over this weekend and used my hubbys phone she logged on to facebook (she has no internet at home) so when she left I looked at her posts and she is talking to guys who are 18 the conversations werent too bad but one of them asked her if she had a boyfriend and she said no and then he went on about how she was waiting for a guy like him and she said awww thats sweet! she is 13 and i dont want her to turn out like her sister. I talked to my hubby and he isnt to happy about this but how do we confront her about it. She knows that my hubby isnt that computer savy so i think she would know its me. I know that people lie on fb and i dont want her to be talking to guys like this i do no think that she is old enough. Her mom isnt too involved in their life she is partying like she is 15. My hubby asked me to help him and we want to do whats best for his daughter. Please advise!

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selaranda

Asked by selaranda at 2:53 PM on May. 2, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 10 (442 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • – collapse
    #1 yes it was wrong that YOU checked her fb. Thats her parents job but since its already done sit down together, you her dad and her, and talk about the safety of people over the internet and about people who are older. also dont let her on her dads phone and thats about all you can do
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 3:01 PM on May. 2, 2011 (hidden) + expand

  • If she is talking to a 18yr old, that's seeking the wrong attention, and she should should not be playing games with someone like that, she should know he knows her age and he is playing games also, tell her she can be mad now, but she will thank you and her father in the future when some little boy tries to hurt her and she needs to have some respect for herself and you and her father
    ttk2

    Answer by ttk2 at 3:02 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • wow!! thats scary.talk to this girl nicely,don't attack or accuse or she will will be pissed.Just explain to her that people are evil & can say whatever they want to say on FB but to really know someone is totally different.An 18 guy who is chatting with a 13 girl is NOT cool.Explain to her that you want her to develop into a sensible young lady and would like for her to have friends that are closer to her age & that has things in common.Maybe offer for her to get together with a few of her friends at the local mall or bowling alley,or movie theater.Somewhere that is public and you can set some rules.A house without rules just breeds trouble!! It's not that you don't trust her but you have to be careful of other people...life is scary these days!! good luck.
    robin2708

    Answer by robin2708 at 3:09 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • My 13 year old son has a facebook, but he is only allowed to be on under adult supervision, and not even that often. I have his login information, and have told him that i will check it when & how often I please.

    A 13 year old girl has NO BUSINESS WHATSOEVER talking to 18 year old boys. If they know how old she is, then they are pedophiles.
    Fawn80

    Answer by Fawn80 at 3:14 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Why can't you and dad just give her a general talk about older boys so she doesn't know you snooped? Build up her self esteem so these guys don't take advantage of her.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:23 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • smdh. no wonder the teen pregnancy rate is sky high.
    HELLO?!?! SHE'S A 13 YEAR OLD CHILD. Empahsis on the word CHILD. You tell her she cannot be on facebook, and talking to men over the age of 18 is ILLEGAL.
    WTF.
    Give her a "general talk"? You can't just rely on the old birds & bees lecture to see you through this one. This child needs some MAJOR rules and boundaries - if step mom is the only one willing to step up, then so be it. Somebody has to.
    Fawn80

    Answer by Fawn80 at 3:32 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I think you and your hubby should sit her down and have a general talk with her about how people online are not always what they seem- that people often lie and pretend they are something they are not... and that could put her in a dangerous situation. I would also tell her she needs to be careful about who she talks to, and not to give out personal information. I would not tell her you 'snooped' instead I would make it a rule that since she uses your phones/computer you/dad have the right to look at her account and monitor what is going on. If she does not like it then I would not allow her to be on fb.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 3:38 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • YOU have every right to check her facebook, and hopefully your DH can say I opened my phone and it popped up,, in the meantime, I would message the 18 year old and tell him no more contact with your child,, you can do it as if it was DS responding,, time for a family meeting,, she is 13!!! What is wrong with these mothers who think that a 13 year old deserves "right" to privacy,,, bad news momma!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:43 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • uh, i think dad needs to have a talk with her. if her mother is partying and the older girl doesn't like you, leave it up to him. i'm not saying you shouldn't be involved or you were wrong, i just think that if the concern comes from you nothing will get done because its going to turn into a big 'you're not the bio-mom' argument.
    metalhealthmom

    Answer by metalhealthmom at 3:50 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Umm talking to a boy over 18 is NOT illegal only having sex with one is fawn
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 4:36 PM on May. 2, 2011

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