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Aspergers violence

my kids are 4 1/2 and 6 and there's a little boy on our block who has aspergers and I think I'm the last Mom to allow their kids to play with him. He is 5 or 5 1/2, perfect age to play with BOTH my kiddos. The main reason he's shunned socially (by the moms, NOT the kids) is boundary issue. He'll walk right into your house and use the bathroom, grab a piece of cheese, etc.

Anyhoo I just lock my door and this has literally trained him not to target our house. My kids have a terrific time with him and he's always SO happy to see them and appreciative of their attention. Today about an hour ago, though, he sort of SNAPPED... knocked my daughter off her scooter and mounted her, smashing her into the sidewalk repeatably and chasing her down to repeat this after she finally got away. Was this a one time thing? She is terrified of him now, her brother is feeling protective, and my husband BEGGED me to file a police report (I decided not to. He didn't really leave any marks) I'd like to make this a lesson of tolerance but I need to know if this could happen again, possibly when I am NOT 20 feet away raking leaves.

PS they were not fighting or anything unusual. He was on bike, her on scooter. He hopped down and attacked her like an animal with no warning. My son was nearby blowing bubbles.

 
hibbingmom

Asked by hibbingmom at 4:56 PM on May. 2, 2011 in Kids' Health

Level 35 (71,876 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • i would tlak to his mom. tell her that you are not banning him or anything but need to help on how to deal with this...maybe she can join him when he plays over...like a parent/kid playdate?
    ilovemyboys84

    Answer by ilovemyboys84 at 2:00 PM on May. 28, 2011

  • I would talk to his mother and let her know that he did this, and also ask her what he said about the situation. Something had to have set him off to make him do that.... was the scooter making any noises or was it near his bike and "in his way"? My son has Aspergers and sometimes it does not take much to send him into a meltdown.... I would also talk to him and tell him it is ok to come over and play and it is ok to get upset BUT it is NOT ok to hurt someone. I would ask the mom what she does for meltdowns or how she would like you to handle the situation if he does this again... (with my son I send him to his room to work on calming himself down, and I do not disturb him till he is calm and comes back out then we talk about what happened). Good luck!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 5:15 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I have a child with aspergers, It is very possible that it can happen again. What he did is not ok, he cant just go around hurting other people.
    canthaveboys1

    Answer by canthaveboys1 at 5:18 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Oh, man. That's a really tough situation. I wouldn't ban him. I'd talk to his mom and make sure that if they are playing together you are right there in case something like this happens again.
    PhilsBabyMama

    Answer by PhilsBabyMama at 8:28 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Talk to his mom and see what she does.
    Madelaine

    Answer by Madelaine at 2:39 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • you need to talk to the parents, they need to know what happened.
    Ashlynnsmommy07

    Answer by Ashlynnsmommy07 at 3:14 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • How are you going to keep complete control over this situation? Maybe this is why other's don't let their kids play with him. The only way would be for him to play with them only when you are able to watch them constantly, as in grabbing a chair outside and watching them play. Now you're daughter is frantic of him though so...IDK. Even talking to his parents is not a huge help because they don't have any control over when he has one these fits of anger and gets abusive with another child. That's the only remedy I can think of.
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 9:14 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • Could you talk to his mother about this and find out what could have happened or how often it does etc.?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:04 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I am sort of nervous about going to his Momma, since SOOOOOO many other complaints have been made. (a LOT of cheese stealing although he is clean, well fed, well dressed, well groomed, etc so I presume it's a boundary issue not a he's so hungry he steals food issue)

    I feel like since I'm the last in line to come knocking with a complaint it'll be extra awkward. If I send my husband over, however, I know he'll take an overly aggressive/threatening stance his his baby girl was attacked. I'm a SAHM though and it's a long summer and a small neighborhood. I am not inclined on banishing him from our yard but also no idea wtf to do... I desperately want to tell my daughter it was a fluke and he'll never hurt her again. I just wish I knew what set him off - they were playing so nicely together. Is it tacky to email his Mom on facebook?
    hibbingmom

    Comment by hibbingmom (original poster) at 6:03 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • This is something you need to do face to face, she may take it the wrong way in an email. She needs to know what her son did, chances are he didn't go home and tell and if he did she is waiting for you to talk to her. You need to find out the things that could set him off so you can tell your kids what not to do and if it is a squeak your kids can tell you their bike or scooter needs oil so this doesn't happen again. Maybe your daughter made some kind of noise or they were talking and she said something wrong, doesn't have to be a touching thing to set him off. You also need to know what to do so you can try to calm him and put his number on speed dial, teach your kids which number is his so they can call his mom while you try to calm him down. Just beware that he may hit you too.
    tazdvl

    Answer by tazdvl at 9:59 AM on May. 4, 2011

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