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2 Bumps

SO wants to move in, and I told him not without anger management I being unreasonable?

I am thinking about moving from NY to CA to be closer to my family and friends. My SO (my daughter's father) wants to move there too (he doesn't live with us right now). I told him that if we were to move in together, he would have to go to anger management classes.

-He is easily frustrated and gets really loud (for example, not being able to find his keys or cell phone can cause him to get loud and angry)
-He gets easily frustrated with our daughter (she's only three...she's still learning)

My dad was physically and verbally abusive, and although my SO is none of these things, his "flare-ups" make me think of my dad. My siblings and I walked on egg shells when he was around because you never knew what his mood would be. It's that way sometimes with my SO. I don't want our daughter to go through what I went through-never feeling comfortable in her own home, fearful that her dad is going to flip out over something trivial.

Am I being unreasonable? I'm not objecting to him moving with us to the state-it would be best for our daughter if her dad was in her life daily. I'm just objecting to him living with us, UNLESS he agrees to take anger management classes.

Any feedback would be appreciated. SO is a good man and a good father, but he does have a nasty temper at times!


Asked by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on May. 2, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • You are being very reasonable.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:27 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I think it may make him a better person. Have you suggested these in the past? How was it received? I would agree that anger management classes would do him some good.

    Answer by coala at 6:28 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • You are being smart and protective of your child. Good for you, hope you move goes well.

    Answer by meooma at 6:28 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • You are being very smart.

    If you are seeing these things now they aren't going to get better once he moves in. And then you will be stuck living with him.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 6:37 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I agree with all of these mammas. It's not unreasonable to suggest that he does something that helps himself and the family.

    Answer by GothicChk52 at 7:07 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • You are not being unreasonable. Good for you. You are showing good judgement! Good luck!

    Answer by minnesotanice at 6:31 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Wise mama. If he's a good man and wants to be a good man and loves you, he shouldn't resist your suggestion, either.

    Answer by Adelicious at 6:32 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I think you are being very reasonable, its really not that much to ask for considering what your asking him to do could be worse

    Answer by martinsmom2008 at 6:43 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • You are being very reasonable. My DH used to make fun of my 2 younger sisters being fat and it really bothered me, so I told him that if he did not stop I wanted a divorce. He never made fun of the where they can hear, we live 300 miles away, but those are my bratty little sisters!
    So he promised to stop saying those things and I promised to take the melatonin to get to sleep because I used to stay up late because I had a difficult time falling asleep.

    Answer by SeasideNative at 6:47 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I think you are being very reasonable. I think maybe if he moves to he should get his own place close so that he is around but at the same time he is getting anger management help.

    Answer by EJKZ at 6:52 PM on May. 2, 2011