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2 Bumps

Not saying "I love you" in a relationship

My friend T has been dating a guy for a year. They are exclusive. He says he's afraid to say he loves her because he was screwed over by an ex. Ummmm...so?! Do guys think that once we hear those words we go all gaga and start planning the wedding? Love is as much a doing as a feeling. I think they don't say it so they have an "out" and make it like it wasn't that serious because he never said it.
Thoughts?

 
butterflyblue19

Asked by butterflyblue19 at 7:44 PM on May. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 50 (383,297 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I think as well that hes making excuses. While dating a year is quiet a while shouldnt he be sure yet if he likes her and loves her. I assume they not like 16 years oldI mean saying I love you or not doesnt save you from being hurt. If you truly love someoen and not say it will it make you feel differently?
    LittleBirdFly

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 7:51 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I know a lot of guys who have experienced saying I love you just to have the girl turn into a psycho freak.... His past experiences will most definitely mold his future acts.... and you don't have to say I love you to actually love someone.... she should know he loves her by his actions and vice versa. I would rather my hubby show me than tell me.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 7:49 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I told my SO that we were getting married and ect. before we even said I LOVE YOU LOL i think hes just making excuses
    kylansmommy09

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 7:46 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Some men are just not very verbal about their feelings. I never heard my Dad tell my mom he loved her. They were married 45 years before he died. H did say the words just not often. He showed my mom in many ways though. My stbxh told me he loved me everyday up to the day he abandoned his family. They were just words to him that meant nothing. I think I would rather have a man who showed me more often then he told me. It is nice to hear the works but I only want to hear them if he truly means them.
    KyliesMom5

    Answer by KyliesMom5 at 7:53 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • My SO won't use those words, after what his ex did, he feels they have no meaning- whether or not they mean anything to me doesn't matter here, I love him very much, and he knows that- he believes in actions over words. His actions, each and every single day, tell me that he loves me.
    The house he bought to bring us out of a horrid situation, the car we drive, the tiring days at the office, the insurance he pays for so that I have the care I need, the time he spends with me and my children... especially with my children. He loves them, he makes a point of letting them know that.
    He is an amazing man. Actions speak far, far louder than words. Not saying something because you feel it doesn't hold the same meaning it once did, does not give you an "out".
    I know that he does love me, I can see it in everything he does.

    On the flip side, my ex told me he loved me every day... then beat the hell out of me.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 8:13 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • My LP tells our kids he loves them, but RARELY tells me, and did not tell me at all for probably the first 7 years of our relationship. It does bother me a lot. I think that in his mind, if he could lose me and move on at all (either if we broke up, if I died, whatever...if he could ever rebuild his life with someone else), that it must not be "real love". I guess with kids, parents, etc, you don't replace them...a spouse, possibly.

    It bothers me, but the fact that we have been together almost 14 years and that he has shown me all the affection, consideration, commitment, he could muster over those years, tells me that he loves me even if our definitions are different.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 8:35 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • still nice to hear it once in awhile too though.....
    butterflyblue19

    Comment by butterflyblue19 (original poster) at 7:51 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • If he can't say it, he doesn't mean it!
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 8:00 PM on May. 2, 2011

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