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2 Bumps

Any advice? PLEASE!! My husband wants another baby!!!

A little bit about us:

Ryan and I met when I was in high school.  We dated for about 2 years, Married in 99'.  A year later he was wanting to start a family.  I just didn't know if I was ready.  I come from a large family,  4 sisters, and 7 brothers. (not catholic)  I wasn't even sure if I wanted any children at all.  Well, in 2002 we were pregnant.  I had a Great pregnancy, I laughed all the time, no morning sickness, I didn't have any mood swings, I only gained 20 lbs, the only thing I ever wanted was fruit, and ice cream.  I couldn't get enough.  I LOVED being pregnant.  Then the big day. Aug 1st 2003, I was in labor.  Our daughter Hailey had finally arrived.  About 5 min, after her arrival,  I started to feel very sick.  I started to throw up, and as I looked down I noticed that I was hemorrhaging.  The doctors rushed in a specialists,  did what needed to be done.  Then she proceeds to tell me that I had a second placenta, Hailey was supposed to be a twin,  and that I came close to death.  Here it is 2011 and my husband wants another baby, He Is Not On The Fence.  He will ask me every-other day, "PLEASE,  Can we have another baby", he even has our daughter asking for a baby brother or sister.   I don't know what I want, I am totally on the fence. someday Yes!  and other days, NO WAY!  All these questions pop into my head.  #1 we cant afford a baby,  #2 Our house is too small,  #3 What if those health issues happen again,and Ryan and Hailey lose me?  I have asked my family and friends, but they tell me only what I want to hear.  I need some outside advice.  Sorry about the Long story.  Any advice would be greatley appreciated!!  Thank you in advance, and God Bless!!

Answer Question
 
DeBough

Asked by DeBough at 11:33 PM on May. 2, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 4 (51 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • The only person who can make that decision is you and your husband. BUT, I'll say this
    #1--who every really can afford a baby
    #2 I know people who make it work
    #3--The odds are probably pretty slim that the same issue would happen again, but talk to your doctor.
    I will say that I think it's unfair that your DH is enlisting your daughter in this.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 11:37 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • I would be majorly mad at your husband. He is using your child to get you to do something with your body your aren't ready to do. I would tell him to back off, and next time he brings it up, offer to cut open his private parts to get something out. This is majorly rude, but it seems like he doesn't care about the consequences to you, he just wants another baby. If another child is the goal, what about fostering? There are a lot of even very young kids that have no one to love them, and you don't have to bleed to get them. Perhaps some kind of a comprimise like that? And how much work with your first child did he do? Does he realize how much harder things with 2 children will be, especially on you?
    CoiaCuppcake

    Answer by CoiaCuppcake at 11:39 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Sounds like you have some legitimate concerns. Let him know, we need to talk about this and it is serious. If he doesn't listen then just keep telling him no. I hope this helps.
    clumm

    Answer by clumm at 11:39 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Well no one can make the choice but you! All I can say is if you want a baby go for it! If your not just wait! I wouldnt worry about the health issues. My mother was not able to have children. Yet here I am! And I am a middle child! She had horrible health issues with my younger brother he had 3 plecentas and she had to basicly give birth to four huge blood clots that were almost 2 lbs each. The point to all of that is that she tells me it was the best decsion of HER life to have my little brother no matter how close to death she was. But your husband should know and I mean really know what it would mean to have another one! He might just change his mind or yours!Good Luck and God Bless!
    CrystalAllison

    Answer by CrystalAllison at 11:59 PM on May. 2, 2011

  • Have you talked about your fears with him? Maybe he doesn't understand completely what you went through?
    Kitkat61277

    Answer by Kitkat61277 at 12:00 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • layh41407 I never looked at it as being unfair to Hailey. I sorta do now, Ryan and I have a playful and fun loving relationship. He has never gotten mad at me with this issue, he just loves babies so much. If I wasn't on the fence so much and just stuck with No, he probably wouldn't ask as much, but what I will do is tell him we can talk about this just not with Hailey in the room, This is unfair to her. Especially if I say no.

    CoiaCuppcake I will def. take your advice about his private parts. We have talked about fostering, we haven't looked into it yet, but that just might be the way to go.

    CrystalAllison That is very reassuring, and thank you so much.

    Kitkat Sometimes I'm not sure if he is getting what I tell him. He says he understands my fears, He says he has them too, He says that it was a freak thing that happened and it probably wouldn't happen again, but how can he be so sure?
    DeBough

    Comment by DeBough (original poster) at 12:17 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • If your primary concern is the medical issue you had last time, have you talked to your doctor about the chance of it happening again? That would be a good first step. If it is high risk for you that is definitely something to consider, or if the doctor says it is safe then you can address your other concerns with timing, your house situation, etc. As far as those issues go, there is never a perfect time to have a baby but if it's a wanted baby those things usually work themselves out.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:22 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • Tell your husband you will think about it. In the meantime, talk to your doctor and express your fears and concerns over the possibilities of this happening again. If it was me, I would want to know before I took any chances. The decision about another child should be you and your husband's idea. Not your daughter. As someone previously said before, it's not fair to her. Keep it between the two of you. When and if you decide, then you can tell her.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:54 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • If u do try and foster a child...PLEASE research before hand. Especially if they happen to be older like 7 or so. Foster kids can have ALOT of emotional baggage with them depending on how long they have been in the system, their age, the reason why they are in foster care anyway. Questions like, were they abused? Abandoned?. Another question to ask is how many foster homes has this child been in? What were the reasons they have been tossed here and there. In my opinion I think fostering can be a very rewarding experience. U are helping a child by choosing them. And sometimes in return, the investment u made in that child can pay off in a big way.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 3:05 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • i would make a list of pros and cons of having another baby and have hubby do the same... then talk them out. i would also talk to OB about dangers of having another child after the issues with your first. in the end it will give you both a clear view of all the reasons why and why not to have another baby and i think it will help you both decide if you are both really ready for another or not.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:22 AM on May. 3, 2011

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