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How do you cope??

I am sure there are others besides my self, just wondering and looking for advice. I fell in love with someone and was more devistated when I ended up dumping him two months ago for cheating reasons, than I was when my ex husband left. I have done EVERYTHING that I can to not thing about him and totally get over him, then I still find myself thinking of him once and a while and sometimes longing for him. What the heck, he treated me like crap, he cheated and I cant understand why I would even think about him.

How have you gotten over an ex boyfriend and how long did it take????

Answer Question
 
AmI88

Asked by AmI88 at 12:18 AM on May. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,194 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • I think part of it is right now, you aren't mourning the loss of who he IS from your life, you're mourning the loss of who you THOUGHT he was from your life. You don't miss the reality, you miss the impression you had, and you think about the good times and stuff, because that was what helped convince you of what you thought was the reality, if that makes sense.

    Also, if you think about it, with your ex, I'm assuming that you were married long enough for the "newness" to wear off, and for you to be aware of his "warts" so to speak, so when he left, who you saw leaving was the "real man". With your bf, I'm guessing that you hadn't been together long enough for that "honeymoon stage, everything about you is either perfect or an endearing quirk" stuff, just for you to be basically slapped up side the head with his cheating... Which really could hurt worse in it's way.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:25 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • cont

    Anyway, this is just speculation on why I think it hurts worse (which you asked about), of course you would have a MUCH better idea of how close this might be to the reasons for feeling the way you do.

    As far as how you get over it, I think the best thing is to just give yourself time. Some time to mourn it (but not to dwell on it - like, say, take a hot shower, cry, get it out of your system, then stop - don't mope all day or evening...) and just take some time, period. Tell yourself what my grandma used to say - "Before you get married, keep both eyes open. After you get married, shut one of them.", and try to remind yourself that it was better to find out now than later, and when you think of the good times, make a point of picturing the bad stuff, too - at least until remembering the good times becomes just a fond memory with no pain attached.

    (((hugs))) I hope you feel better!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:29 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • It takes time when you meet someone special you'll forget about him and be glad you left.
    Betutah

    Answer by Betutah at 12:38 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • Thank you...and that is the one thing I do. EVERYTIME I start to think about him, I stop myself and say "wait this is what he did, and this is what he was doing and being a jerk, etc." I remind myself everytime I think of him. I guess it is because I don't even want him as a memory, I would like for him to be someone I never remember, and when his name is mention I have to ask "who is that again?" Sounds mean, but he didn't think it was mean to treat me like he did, or he would have never done it.
    AmI88

    Comment by AmI88 (original poster) at 12:38 AM on May. 3, 2011

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