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5 Bumps

My 17 yr old daughter wants to go out with a 20 yr old guy

My daughter went to the movies with a bunch of her friends tonight. One of her friends' older brother went with them. He is 20 and in college, seems to be a good kid. Now he has expressed his interest in her and she wants to go out with him... I know that three years will not seem like a big age difference when she is 25 and he is 28, but when she is 17 and he is 20, it seems like too big an age difference to me. I am concerned that he has more "experience" and that she would be more inclined to do things that she would not do with other teens. What are your thoughts?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on May. 3, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • I would gage it more on the guy than the age. She is probably interested cause 17 year old guys are so very immature. I would keep it light for a while and make them spend time around the house so you can keep an eye on him and get a feel of his personality. Lay down ground rules and see if he respects them. It wont be long until she will be 18 and can date whomever so put some trust in her decisions. It will make yalls relationship more solid if she feels you trust her and respect her judgement.

    Answer by berryhappy1971 at 1:51 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • well, I had an 18 month old child, was working full time and living on my own (with my child) when I was 17... so, my perspective my be off, but I've never been interested in men who were "my age". 3 years is a very small gap. She'll be 18 soon and you won't have a say.

    Regardless of age, if she wants to be sexually active, she is going to be. It is your job to make sure she knows how to be responsible. Please don't be offended, but statistically speaking, I would be surprised if she were a virgin.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 1:24 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • I don't really think that it is that big of a deal. I would however let her know that he needs to visit her in your home with supervision until you feel comfortable with him. I was 17 and dating a guy that was 19.

    Answer by coala at 1:13 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • next birthday when he starts going to bars the difference will be enormous and she could be heartbroken.

    personally I'd not allow it, no matter how nice he seemed.

    Answer by hibbingmom at 1:28 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • Well my hubs is 9yrs older than I am, when we met I was 19 he was 28. What I would suggest is this-- ask him over to your house and let them have 'date night' at your house (like rent a movie and order pizza) where you can be on hand to supervise. It would give you a chance to get to know him and see if he is a good guy who will respect your daughter and not push her into anything.

    Answer by MizLee at 1:30 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • This is a tough one. One lady said they could have went to high school at the same time...and that seems like a reasonable meter to judge a date-able age gap, then another lady brought up the point that next year he may want to start going to bars because he'll be of legal age...and that is a valid and good point too.

    I think I'll just bump this and wish you luck.

    Answer by CallMeAngie at 1:38 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • She could easily date a 15 year old with more experience than she has...not saying she has her head in the sand, just saying there are some wild kids out there. I don't think his age has anything to do with that. I think I'd just go by the maturity level of your daughter. Good luck! Not at all looking forward to facing the same dilemma with my DD in another few years.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:46 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • I think a 3 year age different in this situation is acceptable as long as he's responsible and treats her well. Girls really do mature faster than boys do so that may be why she's so attracted to him.

    Answer by Court128 at 3:19 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • that is not a very big age difference. they're close enough in age to have went to high school together. there's a reason they put those 4 different age groups together.

    Answer by TiffanieK at 1:27 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • With my girls I was more worried about the type of guys they dated rather than their age. I don't see 3 years as much of an age difference if you like the boy plus I do think girls mature alot faster than boys do and they are probably at the same emotional age.

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 7:05 AM on May. 3, 2011