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What if

i have been a single parent for 9 years. it has been only my son and me. i have been dating my b/f for a year now.. he knows that i am a package deal. he also has a son the same age, however, my son has behavioral issues that he feels may impact his son negatively. so what if ur bf said that if i cant curb my sons actions then it wasnt going to work out, he doesnt want to leave and wants to help my son grow out of his deep seeded problems. this question is tricky, do i end it with this guy. my son also hates him [ only b/c my b/f is strict with him and doesnt let him get away with the stuff i have], what i am afraid of is that my son rules my personal love life by making it hell for any guy i date and driving them all away. how do i speak to my son to w/o giving him the power to control who comes and goes.

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bethany0199

Asked by bethany0199 at 9:44 AM on May. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (294 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • That's tough
    ttk2

    Answer by ttk2 at 9:46 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • Sounds like you need to let bf go. Your first obligation is to protect your son; bf in an attempt to correct the behavioral issues could be too strict. I wouldn't risk it.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 9:47 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • It depends. Does he have behavioral issues that are hard for him to control because of a disability such as autism? If so, then yes, I would probably leave the boyfriend. But if his behavioral issues come from more of you letting him get his way all the time, then no I wouldn't leave the boyfriend but I could certainly understand the boyfriend leaving you.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 9:49 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • Your children are your life but they dont control it. If this guy wants to hang in there and help you thats great but its one of those things that he's either going to be committed to staying and helping or not. Don't let it become one of those things where he says one thing but then runs when the going gets tough and then wants back in when it looks conveiniant. That will just be more of an issue and confusion for you and your son. GL
    Genice6

    Answer by Genice6 at 9:50 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • lol..yea i know..but my bf knows how i feel and we talked about it yesterday..we both care for each other and he cares for my son and is hard on him b/c he wants him to grow up and not get in trouble and for his own safety [my son likes to answer tyhe door w/o seeing who it is for example]..im thinking as long as we really continue to talk about it things can work...
    bethany0199

    Comment by bethany0199 (original poster) at 9:50 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • behavior stems from adhd very high fuction autism and lack of discipline
    bethany0199

    Comment by bethany0199 (original poster) at 9:51 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • Kids sometimes will develop behavioral issues because they aren't parented strictly. Kids actually crave direction and rules because they aren't mature enough to figure things out for themselves. You have given DS the power, you need to take it back. IMHO, you need to change the way you parent.  Your BF is showing you how to be a better parent.  Follow his lead.


    You need to change the way you parent before you speak to your son.  The issue is that you have let him get away with stuff that you shouldn't have.  He will always want to do this as this is how you have taught him to behave.  He's young.  If he's going to be an adult who listens to his boss or a husband who works with his wife, you need to start teaching him to follow your rules.


    It will be hard, but it's doable at 9.

    JSD24

    Answer by JSD24 at 9:54 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • My son has the same issues. If I was dating someone who couldn't handle his special needs, I'd end the relationship. My son comes first.
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 9:56 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • DD has Aspergers and ADHD. You need to discipline him as I discipline DD. It will be he** in the short run but it will get better. I'm seeing and doing it here. (((hugs)))

    JSD24

    Answer by JSD24 at 9:57 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • agree tararenee..but then i show my son that his needs over power my own..i mean not to sound to selfish but i stayed single b/c of that and very unhappy and now i have a guy who wants to help who cares for us but is just being over taken by the whgole situation
    bethany0199

    Comment by bethany0199 (original poster) at 9:59 AM on May. 3, 2011

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