Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

I feel like a bad wife

Ive had cold sores since I was a kid..but it wasnt until after I had DD that I started getting them often and started doing research..I had NO idea that if you get cold sores you could give someone GH by having oral sex (even if you dont have an OB) ..So ever since I found out I told DH I just cant do it anymore because im too scared of giving him GH down there. He wasnt sure if he got them but his mom said he had one when he was little ..and then one time during our 3 year relationship he got one for sure (after driving on the road for 18 hours each way, his body was just really stressed) so then I told him he couldnt do it to me either after that...So now I feel like our sex life is so limited and I feel like a bad wife and that im depriving him but im scared of us giving it to eachother down there from oral sex...I feel like its so unfair that we cant do any of that anymore..sometimes it makes me angry but what am I supposed to do??

And for those who dont believe cold sores are herpes or that you cant get GH from someone who has cold are very mistaken..Do your research and talk to you doctor..they will confirm it as my doctor and OBGYN did

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on May. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • You can still enjoy oral sex provided you aren't performing it WHILE you have the sores. L-lysine is a great otc med to take to preven cold sores. I have lots of friends that get cold sores that still enjoy Oral sex with thier partners

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:23 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • If he already has cold sores then he has the virus already. You can't give him what he already has.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • But with Herpes (HSV-1 and 2) you have asymptomatic shedding..So it can be spread at any time, even if you dont have OB

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:24 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • Well, I think you answered your own question: you two need to go to your doctor and get the facts straight. There is medication out there for flares and obviously you shouldn't expose each other during those times, but talk to your doctor, especially if it is causing stress in your marriage.

    Answer by BryRon at 10:25 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • but he doesnt have it down there...and I know the risk is low but there is still a possibility of him contracting it down there

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:25 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • herpes 1 is the virus that is most common for mouth herpes & about %80 of people carry that virus.

    Herpes 2 is the virus that is contracted through sex. They are two different viruses. yes, you can get herpes 2 on your mouth...herpes 2 on the mouth is much more severe & ugly looking than herpes 1.

    While you can contract herpes 1 virus on the genitals as well, it's nothing like the herpes 2 virus which is the nastier one. Also, people are WAY less contagious when they don't have an outbreak. So, if you have no herpes on your's fine to give him a blow job. It's very rare that someone gets herpes 1 on their genitals when there is no flare up on the mouth. I know...i get cold sores...i have herpes 1 & so does my husband. My OB said oral sex is just fine unless you have a cold sore. We've been going down on each other for YEARS & have never had a cold sore down there.

    My OB says it's totally fine....

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:28 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • anon is right...he already carries the virus, so what are you worrying bout?

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:29 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • If you have it, you have's in your blood that travels all over the body...not just the mouth or penis.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:29 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • what is gh?

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:30 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • You are right. It is the same virus. You can also spread it by kissing. Do you avoid that too?! I understand why this upsets you, but I think if you educate yourself a little more on this virus that you can work through it. For example, did you know that 1 in 3 people have this virus in the united states!? That's more than people with colds or warts! Did you know that just by avoiding contact during breakouts only that you can greatly reduce your chance of spreading it? Look into it dear and talk to your doctor about it. It's really not worth destroying your marriage.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 10:32 AM on May. 3, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.