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Anyone willing to read this and tell me what you think?

It's an excerpt from a story I'm working on. I will only post more if you request it.



I’m late. I’m late for my date with destiny, as Chrissy loves to point out. She convinced me to apply for this silly thing. I hardly have any interest in making a fool of myself on national television on a quest to win the heart of the most eligible (and rich) bachelor in all of Chicago. Yet, here I was in cab on my way to his penthouse to meet him face to face.
Among nine other women, I will be competing for his attention, his interest and quite possibly his love. Although I hardly believe that falling in love in such a short amount of time is realistic. In this case it would have to happen in less than a week if I really want to get married.
“Driver, could you speed up a little? I’m late enough as it is.”
“Sure, sweetheart!”
The taxi jolts ahead and I’m pushed back into my seat as it speeds up. I’m scrambling around, trying to get the most elegant looking dress pulled on at the same time trying not to let anything flash the driver or children passing by in other cars.
“So why are you going to the Sheldon residence?” The driver suddenly asks.
“I can’t really talk about it,” I say, struggling to get my dress on. “it’s sort of classified.”
“Are you a reporter or sumthin?”
“No,” I shake my head. “I’m a curator at the Chicago Art Museum. I just happen to be going on a date with Blake Sheldon.”
“Really!”
The drive glances at me through his rearview mirror and I can see the puzzled look on his face.
“You got a date with Blake Sheldon? I thought he only went for the Paris Hilton type of women.”
“Thanks.”
The sarcasm breaks through and I scrunch my face. He has a nerve. To tell me that I’m not Blake Sheldon’s type. How does he even know?
“Here we are,” he says. “The Sheldon residence.”
I gather my clothes and shove them into my overnight bag before peering out the window at the magnificent building that stands tall before me. Slowly I emerge from the taxi, staring at this grand building.
“This is it?” I hear myself saying to the driver.
“You bet, sweetie. I read somewhere that Mr. Sheldon owns this whole lot.”
I am beside myself. Looking at the tiers at the top of the building and the sun glistening off the shiny windows, I feel my heart suddenly sink to the pit of my stomach. I want. To. Throw. Up.

Answer Question
 
Imogine

Asked by Imogine at 11:39 AM on May. 3, 2011 in Entertainment

Level 22 (14,425 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • good, it caught my attention. more please!
    Mrs.L.Mita

    Answer by Mrs.L.Mita at 11:43 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • very descriptive! good job : )
    ThatBoysMom

    Answer by ThatBoysMom at 11:44 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • i think the taxi driver should be mr. sheldon..haha..wouldnt that be a great twist
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:44 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • got my attention too..i would like to hear more
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:45 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • most eligible (and richest) bachelor
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on May. 3, 2011

  • Thanks anonymous.
    Imogine

    Comment by Imogine (original poster) at 12:26 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • wait does most richest work?
    Imogine

    Comment by Imogine (original poster) at 12:26 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • I feel like the first six lines have way to much info and not enough why. Why is she going on this show... okay she has to get married in a week. but has she been on an episode of the show already? Is this a pre scouting mission to get to know him or is this part of the reality show.. why didn't she get dressed before she got in the cab is this a spur of the moment thing? why.. back story on how we got into this cab excerpt is important.
    After all of that, I do want to know the answers to the questions.

    emzmom568

    Answer by emzmom568 at 1:50 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • That's why you have to keep reading emz. I posted more already.
    Imogine

    Comment by Imogine (original poster) at 1:52 PM on May. 3, 2011

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