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3 Bumps

This may have been an eye opener

Yesterday, I posted on my brother in laws status who is have some girl issues. I told him not to worry about what other people think, and not to let friends influence his decision to be with a great girl. Not more than 10 minutes later, my brother in law's little 3 person possie knocked on my door calling me bi***, cun*, and a number of listless names from un educated people. That came as a shock and was a hurtful experience, I was defending myself and close to dialing 911, because I was afraid they were going to become violent...
In this experience, I was wondering where is my husband...?
Why isn't he helping me or trying to get these men out of my house...?

He was standing in the hall way watching me. And listening to every word that was said. Yet he did nothing. I am a Christian.
I do NOT encourage violence in ANY way AT ALL. But my husband is a state champion in wrestling and boxing. He could have easily put an end to it and stood up for his wifes dignity. When I asked him Why wasn't he there... He responded what was I supposed to do? Kick their ass and go to jail?

I didn't ask for that.... I just asked for something...anything.

I can't imagine the things theyre spreading around our small town about me.
I made an innocent comment to my brother in law about choosing the right woman for himself, without the influence of the people around him.


What am I going to do about my feelings towwards my husband now? I feel like things may have just changed, or... I dont know. Or how to feel.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on May. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Your man should have totally backed you up. I would be upset too. I don't condone violence, nor have I ever fought but if someone came to the door and gave my man grief, I would defend him.

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 12:22 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • he absolutely should have said something!!! he didnt have to hit them but he should have put his foot down and defending his wife as well as his home. i would be hurt. you need to know you can rely on him when the going gets tough. maybe you could sit down and tell him how you feel. maybe that would make YOU feel better.

    Answer by mykidsmom86 at 12:22 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • he didnt have to have a physical fight but he really could have stepped in and told them to leave! i would be totally disappointed too!

    Answer by ThatBoysMom at 12:25 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • Did you consult with your husband before you posted your remarks? If you did, and he agreed with you that you should post them, then he was absolutely obligated to back you up and come to your defense. If, however, you acted independently of him and did not seek his advice or counsel before putting up your advice, then he was in no way obligated to defend you. If you acted on your on, then you should have dealt with the consequences alone. If you acted together, then you should have stood together in the aftermath. And, if you acted alone, you have no reason to be mad at him for not coming to your aid.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:27 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • It really depends on the situation cause for my husband its somtimes best for him to stay out of things cause he has a temper but in your case if it were my husband he definatly would have steped in and told them to remove themselves from our property or he would call the police. Simple as that, cause we have children and neither of us would let it go any further. Sorry you had to deal with that and yes I would be very pissed at hubby, thats very disrespectful that he chose to allow that to continue. He should have been a man and stepped in.

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 12:28 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • Oh and word of advice...... loose the facebook. Nothing but drama and people get too addicted to it. Best thing I had done in a while was got rid of mine, so many better things to do in life then post up what your doing every second lol.

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 12:30 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • It is ashame when family, bring senseless strife.  You mentioned you are a Christian, therefore the burden on us can be greater.  We Christian women are no different, the Bible gives us enough references and example.  Same Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.  Not one is without sin.  Your spouse is a Champion Boxer, true in what he stated, in regard that his bucking in your behalf could have ended in his losing his lively hood, and you to lose your spouse.  There's always two sides to every story. Something you stated, or the fact you are a Christian, there could also be jealousy?  I learned early with my inlaws to reframe giving any comments, whether in truth or just because to be part of the pack, Christian as well as non.   I bit my lip and just listened, even when asked Don't retreat to the enemy's den. Retreat and Die to Self, keep Love in heart.

    Answer by csjoy1 at 12:37 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • I would of hoped he would of stepped in and defended you, there are other ways to defend someone instead of getting physical and going to jail - maybe - he didn't want to get involved because he doesn't want to have the wrath of the town that you are going through - i'm sorry but your husband sounds like a coward to me - especially if he can't even stand up for his wife.

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 12:40 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • NannyB- Whether she "consulted" with him or not on what to post on his facebook, regardless of the situation, if a bunch of idiots are comin to THEIR home, disrespecting HIS wife..then him being the MAN and the protector of the household, he should have been the one to step infront of her and let them know that they dont need to be talking to his wife that way and to leave or he would call the police. My brother in law was yelling at me on the phone one day, when i was calm as could be. And my husband had NO idea what was going on between us, but he called him and told him to not talk to me that way! If a woman OR man was being rude to my husband, i would stand up for him in a second! He is my best friend, he is my husband... it's just my instinct to stand by him!

    Answer by Mommy103110 at 12:42 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • Tell him how you feel...don't tell him what he should have done or what you wanted him to do- just say how you FEEL, like hurt, disrespected, unprotected, etc. Men don't respond when they're told their actions are wrong, but they usually respond when they realize the affects. But to be honest, why he didn't go to the door may depend on him and you- like my SO knows I can take care of and defend myself, so unless I was in immediate physical danger I would rather handle it instead of expect him to run to my rescue. If you're telling your brother in law not to care about what people think, you shouldn't either.

    Answer by lexi8622 at 12:52 PM on May. 3, 2011

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