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2 Bumps

How do you deal with a birthmom changing there mind?

i am currently in the situation now and i am having a hard time dealing with the birth mom changing her mind.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on May. 3, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (33)
  • – collapse
    I would have had a contract signed so there would be no possibility of this. And remain civial, just incase she changes her mind again.

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 4:18 PM on May. 3, 2011 (hidden) + expand

  • Oh my heart goes out to you! One of my cousins changed her mind a week or so after the baby was born, They were there for the birth and everything. Even had the nursery decorated whats worse is they live in a small town and had to see the child once at a town gathering. The child would have been better off with them.My heart and prayers go out to you :( Its okay to grieve for awhile and things will work out.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 4:19 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • babybugs: read about adoption before saying stupid stuff. you can't sign adoption contracts before birth. its not legal.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:21 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • What a heart breaking situation for you. I'd personally look into counseling hun.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:21 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • There is no contract that can be signed BEFORE the baby is born. Until after the adoption papers are signed and the period of time per state is over - there is nothing that can be done.

    As far as dealing with the situation - get some counseling - it has to be the same as grief.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 4:23 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • My heart goes out to you. You grieve and you mourn. My ex-boss had that happen to her 2x's... she has 2 children she has adopted since (well they are all grown up and in college now) but when she speaks of it... she talks about the 2 children she lost.
    you've lost a child. I grieve for you and your family. Hugs and prayers.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:25 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • i couldnt do anything until the baby was born. we had the nursery already and everything. how do i stop family and friends from asking me, if i hear from the birthmom and stuff like that

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:26 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • My thoughts and prayers are with you. I do agree that you should still be kind to the birth mother. Sometimes, they do change their minds. BTW, I am an adoptive mom too, so I know how difficult this situation is. Hang in there.

    Answer by Ashoonik at 4:28 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • i agree with the others, seek grief counseling if you feel its necessary. this was a loss for you, my heart goes out to you.

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:28 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • I just wanted to say I'm very sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm a birth mother and while I would never again give away a child, I can only imagine the hurt you must feel. I'm very sorry.
    For what its worth my suggestion would be possibly grief counseling as I'm sure the range of emotions are probably similar. If you are still planning to adopt in the future, it may also help in the event this same situation arises.

    (Unfortunately its always a possibility that an expectant mother can change her mind prior to or after birth, its important to remember that a woman is not a birth mother until after she relinquishes the child. Until she reqlinquishes she is simply a mother of her child attempting to make the best decision for her family.)

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:31 PM on May. 3, 2011

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