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What can I do to make him understand?

Well I have a long story I will make short! Me and my BD got together last november and I got pregnant in December. We hurried and moved in together and things didn't work, we split in May. The day our baby girl was born we got back together and are living together again. Everyone I know is married, has kids and seem to be living happy. I am happy living together, I am not asking to get married today, however he says it will be 3 years and he sees no need to get married any sooner. I feel like eveyrone looks at me like a skank! How can I make him understand I want to get married for love not for any other reason. he WON'T express to me why we have to wait 3 years. He honestly goes silent when the "m" word gets brought up. i am sick of bringing it up because it causes fights but I am honestly a little depressed about he whole thing! What should/Could I do???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Dec. 4, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • y didn't thongs work out the first tome u guys were together?
    butterscotch297

    Answer by butterscotch297 at 3:18 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • If you are okay with not being married and it makes you are tired of bringing it up, then stop bringing it up.
    The old saying of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it"

    Seriously if you are happy stop worrying about what other people think
    lanckn

    Answer by lanckn at 3:31 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Marriage is just a piece of paper...if the relationship is good then dont stress it...when and if the time is right it will happen
    shilohncobysmam

    Answer by shilohncobysmam at 3:33 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I wouldn't be worried about what others think of you. You are not a "skank" just because you aren't married and have a kid. Many people in the world isn't married and has kids. Don't try to push into marriage..that could just push him away from you. Just be patient. By the way I am a single mom of 2 kids and I don't care what people think of me. I love my kids and I am glad I didn't marry their "father".
    alaskansglmom

    Answer by alaskansglmom at 3:37 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • If you're trying to push marriage on your child's father because you have a child with him, then the marriage is doomed from the start...if you're trying to push marriage on him just so other's wont call you a "skank", the marriage will be doomed too...Get the chance to know this man...let him get the chance to know you...you've just had a baby, enjoy this moment in time with your child and your child's father...learn to grow together first before jumping into something you may eventually regret later...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:47 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Ok from my experience with current SO - he said he would never get married again, then he said maybe after 5 yrs together - well we are lil over 2 yrs into it now & he says he wants to. No idea when - hasn't "technically" proposed. We have been looking at places & he said if we buy a house together we are getting married. (That's not a proposal right??) Anywho what I'm sayin is that he needs time to figure it out on his own. You can't rush it or push him for more info. If people think or say you're a skank - tell em to kiss your booty honey. Are you or are you not with your BD? Right so who cares what they think!!! Honey I have 3 kids & none are with the man I'm with now. Do I care what others think? Hell no - they didn't have to live my life or experience what I did so they can kiss my ARSS!! Just live & be happy honey - life is too short to sweat the small stuff!!!
    HelenStoner

    Answer by HelenStoner at 3:52 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • The reason it didn't work out in the first place was because he wasn't ever home and I had a problem with that. So it caused fights when he was home (from midnight to 5 in the morning) and neither of us could take it anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • it sounds like the 2 of you should have a serious discussion about your motivations behind the matter. you, are here saying that he doesn't believe that you want to get married for love... yet, in the same breath you are saying that you feel like a skank and are making it a point to bring up what's going on in your friends lives (i'm not bashing, but this is a question you need to answer for yourself). him, on the other hand, has set some mysterious 3 year mark that makes no sense to you, me, or probably anyone other than him. you 2 need to figure out where eachother is coming from and go from there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Considering you had a baby with him without even knowing him why would he want to marry you at all? He is waiting those three years to make sure you are who he want's to be with. Right now he's only there for the baby.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • He won't give you a reason why you have to wait 3 years because he doesn't have one! He has a fear of commitment and is buy himself time! Evaluate your relationship. Are you happy? Why is it imortant for you to be married? I doubt people really think of you as a shank because you aren't married to your babies father. You probably just feel that they think less of you because of it. There are a lot of Pros and Cons for marriage. I'm sure the women on this web site can give you a good list of both! lol Also consider a compromise like wearing wedding bands without actually being married. If he won't agree to that, I would be concerned that he may be cheating.
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 5:01 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

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