Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Divorced/separated or mommies who are no longer with your child's father..

How did you get over feeling like you failed your child for not giving them both parents in the home even if you know the break up was your fault? How did you accept a new man into your child's life in place of their real father? How did you accept having more children with a new husband and making your 1st child not feel left out or different for not having their real father around while their new siblings do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on May. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I never once felt bad about leaving my kids' dad, but then again, it was a really easy decision to make. It was either stay for the kids and sacrifice my happiness, health, and safety, or leave and give them a happy mother and never have to worry about their safety by being in the same home with him. Accepting a new man into my life in the place of their father was a bit tricky at first, it's been almost 3 years, and it just now seems like we are one whole family unit. I guess knowing that my kids would have a family and be happy is what made it a lot easier. Not sure about having more children, our son won't be born until July. But I do know that my kids look to my SO as their father, he's their dad just called by a different name. It's important that all of the kids are treated equal no matter what.
    kyuteangl88

    Answer by kyuteangl88 at 4:39 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • How did you get over feeling like you failed your child for not giving them both parents in the home even if you know the break up was your fault?

    her father being away from me was enough to get over the guilt of leaving. I never felt i failed her...

    How did you accept a new man into your child's life in place of their real father?

    It was easy one I found my true love. He loves her & she loves him. I'm happy that my DD is being raised in a home full of love. We just eased into each others lives, it was easy....

    How did you accept having more children with a new husband and making your 1st child not feel left out or different for not having their real father around while their new siblings do?

    Well, we both decided not to have any children. DH is happy with my DD & says he does not want any more....& i do not either.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 5:03 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • Well, given the history between us and the way he treated our oldest (I was pregnant with the youngest when we divorced), I never felt I failed them. I felt I was doing something good for them.

    As for accepting a new man into our lives....that took a long time. I didn't date for quite a few years after the divorce. But when I met my SO, it felt natural and right to include him in our lives. I won't say I never have a little insecurity wondering if he might treat them the way their father did, but usually I can just look at how he is actually treating them, and it eases my mind.

    There are no additional children for us. I had my tubes tied after I had my youngest, and my SO was aware of this from the start. He knew before we even started dating that if he was with me, my kids were it. Two is enough for me, and he felt they were enough for him, too.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:16 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • I don't feel bad about it. I mean, I did somewhat because I know the negative stance on divorce and single-parent homes for children, etc. But I know in my heart that I did the right thing. I know that my ex-husband has a better relationship with our son now that he doesn't live here anymore. It forced him to see that while he would not get help for his issues and he continued to treat us the way he did, I wasn't going to allow it anymore. Our son didn't need to endure that. . It started when he was 1 and he's almost 6 now. It's over a year now. Once he knew there was no way I was going back to him, he had didn't want to lose his relationship with our son so he does much better with him now. That's what I see and hear...hope it's always that way when I'm not around them, of course. I talk to my son constantly and remind him how much we love him even if we are not together anymore.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 7:27 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • god I have no idea. I still feel horrible even though I know I made the right decison, and right now i'm seriously considering being alone forever and never having anymore children because it's just too difficult, sorry that sounds really depressing :P
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 9:00 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • I never felt as though it was my fault, while I feel bad that my angels do not have both of their parents in their daily life, it does not mean they will lack for love or attention. My ex and I might not agree, at times I hate him, but my children do not know this. I never bad mouth him, I only tell them the good, I try to get them excited for visits, though with my youngest it is a big issue. I want them to know the good about their father, they will see the bad for them selves, if I bad mouth him they will resent me when they are older.

    Bringing other men into my children's lives... I'm very weary of it, I don't want them to get attached to some one only to have that not work out and them loose some one they care for. No one will ever replace my children's father, NEVER. I might not like him at times but he is their father. Trying to replace a child's father is wrong, imagine how you would feel if you were "replaced"
    Wildkitten82

    Answer by Wildkitten82 at 9:15 AM on May. 4, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
Sick of it.

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN