Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

For Christian women who believe in submitting to your husbands... Real Answeres only please. I am very curious.

What does that mean to you? Do everything he says? Get his input but making the decision yourself? Or something else?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on May. 3, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (17)
  • I am only speaking for me and my family here, I'm sure that there are going to be a lot of people who argue that this truly isn't a submissive wife approach - but this is how it basically "works" -

    I'm a very strong person. My dh is a very strong person. Our strengths aren't always in the same area, but we use our combined strengths to compensate for our combined weaknesses. I am not a child, nor does he treat me like one. He asks my opinion on things, and that opinion plays a big part in his choice (though he doesn't always go with my opinion). I do the same thing with him. We have a mutual respect for what we each bring into the marriage, and for each other as people. However - he is the head of our house. There are times - VERY rarely (like, I can count them on one hand and we will be married 19 yrs this summer sort of rarely)


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:07 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • Generally we make all decisions about home and kids together. As a christian, in our home, it means he has the last word. If we disagree and I say yes and he says no. The answer is NO. That doesn't mean I can't make a reasonable case for changing his mind, but if he doesn't the answer is no. In 30 yrs I think he's told me NO about something 3 times. The first time I did it anyway and it caused a huge rift until we talked it out. We had only been married 2 yrs then. I understand some women just can't see how that is fair. The key is he loves me and has no wish to 'lord' over me. We are a team...but if push comes to shove he is the head of this house. I knew that going in. We did about 3 months of 'newlywed counseling" with our Minister just before we got married. it helped a lot.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:11 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • cont

    As I said, he will, VERY rarely -exercise what we call his "Dad veto" - where he feels very strongly about something and puts his foot down, and we all drop it. But, in fairness, I can also do that with a "Mom veto".

    Here is an example of him doing that - many yrs ago, we had gone home to visit family. My mom and I have had a rocky relationship, and she was being very nasty and hurtful. It finally blew up and resulted in us leaving and going to stay with my sister. My dh told me that if something like that ever happened again with her, we would NOT be going back - because he refused to allow his wife to be treated that way, or for his children to be exposed to it. That was his "Dad veto" in action, and I accepted that. Thankfully, she isn't quite like that anymore, but if she was, we wouldn't have gone back.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:13 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • I am Catholic but the same rules applies. I was taught when a man marries he lifts his wife up like Christ lifts up the church. That means if my husband is treating me the right way and lifting me up then I WANT to submit to him because nothing he says or does is not to my benefit. We share our lives together and do what is best for us as a unit since we are no longer single, but unified through our marriage before the Church and God. We make choices together, listen to each other, compromise, and give and take. I believe that is what marriage is about. After all if your husband lifts you up and does everything that is best for you treating you like #1 at all times why would you not want to submit to his wishes?

    Answer by gemgem at 8:25 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • We are a Christian family but we do things 50/50. We agree on something or it doesn't happen! Now some of my other Christian friends they do listen to they're husbands and the husbands make ALL the decisions. I just cannot do that at all my mother raised me to be in a 50/50 realationship. Plus my husband does not want it any other way!

    Answer by momavanessa at 8:25 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • Gemgem, that is a really beautiful way to say it. You are 100% dead on. :)

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:32 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • I see the Bible calling us to a relationship of mutual love and obligation, one of mutual respect. Husbands are just as obligated to put the family and its needs first as women are to honor and respect their men. I agree very much with the way gemgem said it - in a truly Biblical relationship BOTH partners lift each other up so that neither is "above" or "below" the other, and both are better for it. By putting each other first both are better off. It's about trusting the other person to be there for you, while also being there for them. If both people hold up their end both end up ahead. I truly Biblical relationship doesn't work if one of the spouses isn't doing their part. If a husband becomes a tyrant, it's no longer a Biblical relationship. The typical understanding of "submissive" as doormat isn't what the relationship framed in the Bible is about.... But those kinds have given Biblical relationships a bad connotation...

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 8:47 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • I am a Catholic, I am not submissive in any way. And my dh is good with that. I honestly cannot even imagine the conversation ever being brought up. Neither my husband nor I agreed to obey in our wedding vows

    Answer by adnilm at 8:58 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • I run things because thats how we like it, but i dont do anything without talking to him out of respect because i want him to be happy with how his house is ran and take pride in it. Do i bow down and serve him no but he would never want or ask that of me submission can be a beautiful thing when you have a man who loves you more than himself. Because he will not try to abuse it. I respect and honor my husband and i trust in him. I get my way more than i should but when he says no i dont go against him, ill talk to him and see where hes coming from and he will hear me out and things get done how ever we see fit. Submission isnt him having power over me but me giving him a gift of love honor consideration and respect. i can be a butt head sometimes.


    Answer by whitenena at 9:10 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • We are also 50/50- neither has the "advantage" even in a psychological sense where he would ever consider thinking of me as submissive and I would never consider myself that- I am not even comfortable with the idea that he would have the last say in anything-I think that is why its never come to that (20 years and counting) and there has never been an instance where someone had to have the last say-

    Answer by soyousay at 9:11 PM on May. 3, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.