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HOW DO I HELP POSITIVELY MOTIVATE A CHILD THAT DOESN'T CARE ABOUT POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE MOTIVATION?

I am a mother of a toddler and i have one on the way. my BF has a 7 yo and we are having a very hard time positively motivating her to do the things she needs to do. She disobeys almost every thing we tell her to do. she lies all the time and it seems as though she is always in trouble. None of the discipline seems to work we have tried spanking her and time outs and making her write sentances. She just doesn't seem to care. we have tried to do positive reinforcement as well but she doesn't seem to care. we have even tried to get her to come up with a list of things that she would like to do and she just sits there and says nothing. please we are exhausted and at our wits end. Any advise is appreciated.

Answer Question
 
PLUGGS83

Asked by PLUGGS83 at 8:57 PM on May. 3, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Counseling maybe? She may not feel special with other kids around. Does she get one on one time with her dad and you plus both of you without the other kids? She has had to make a lot of adjustments in her young life. just ideas.......
    whitepeppers

    Answer by whitepeppers at 9:03 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • Sounds like you may have to focus your attention on the positive. Catch her being good. Any little thing and immediately reward her! Also consistency is big part i'm sure. I know it's hard(single mom to 3 special needs kids) but it will get better with consistency and maybe a therapist could help~ her or you guys even! GL!
    harris4

    Answer by harris4 at 9:04 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • Have you tried a chart? Placing on the chart the things she needs to do. Allow her to pick out her own stickers to place on the chart. Once she has so many stickers, then she gets a reward. Her reward can be a trip to the movies, or to the playground. Something she will enjoy doing and hopefully this will motivate her to want to do well. Always praise good behavior. I use the time out method and this seems to work for us. It is not so much the time spent in time out, but that you are in control. Being consistent is key. In time hopefully she will want the positive attention and will want to please you. I hope this helps.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 9:04 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • What is her mother doing? Maybe counseling will help her. I really don't know how to help you because my 14 yr old is very unmotivated too.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:12 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • Has she always been like this or is this a new behavior? She is a troubled young girl and I think counseling would be helpful to the entire family.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 9:55 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • Sounds like she's depressed. You should give her pep talks and instead of asking her what she wants to do, take her to do stuff and see if she likes it. Maybe the kids at school are bullying her or someone is doing something horrible to her, kids dont bum out at that age for no reason. I would see a doctor or try talking to her about that stuff.
    xmama_bellax

    Answer by xmama_bellax at 9:58 PM on May. 3, 2011

  • I agree with whitepeppers on parents spending one-on-one time with the child.
    MMXI

    Answer by MMXI at 10:00 PM on May. 3, 2011

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