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3 Bumps

He wants a divorce?!

long story short. my husband has had enough dealing with my ex husband. the ex has stolen our credit information and is a real jerk. he works in collections and has access to alot of records. he did this last year and yesterday we found out he was doing it again. not only that but he has been working under the table making ALOT of money and isnt paying child support. my husband now supports us. the ex also plays lots of games with the courts when it comes to custody and visitation. he has made our lives really difficult. i have paid over 10000 in legal fees and spent 4 years dragging him to court, now my husband tells me i dont fight enough. i cant help it if the judges dont do anything to the ex!! so now hubby has had enough and says that im the one who bred with the loser and that he doesnt have to live with it any more. so now what am i supposed to do?!?! my kids would be devestated if we divorced, so would i. i told him he knew i had an ex when we married and he said yeah well i didnt know he was going to be attacking me every chance he gets. i need advice


Asked by Anonymous at 7:50 AM on May. 4, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • You are right, he knew when he married you! Have you filed a police report, or disputed fraud with your credit card company? They will investigate it! I know how hard it is in child custody cases, we fought long and hard for my DH son and finally got full custody after 7 years and thousands of dollars. It is very stressful, and altough it shouldn't, it does got fights and strain on the marriage. Your not so DH should be supporting you unconditionally dang it! I don't think he should open his mouth in such negative ways until he's in your shoes. He is wrong period. Maybe he needs a break, maybe like a guys weekend away or something? GL, and I hope he's just venting and not really serious.

    Answer by yesmaam at 7:59 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • Wow thats sad. I have a crazy ex myself, I think your ex and mine could be related. My husband and I have spent more then $22k in court since we have been together over custody and child support with my ex husband. My husband has dealt with my ex trying to run me over with his car, showing up drunk at exchanges, hes never paid child support so my husbands always supported us, and the list just goes on and on. I asked my husband if it bothered him and he said no it takes a lot of patience but his step dad pulled him aside when he asked me to marry him and explained that it takes a very special and strong man to take on another mans child & deal with the drama that comes with it.
    It sounds like your husband is not that kind of man. I know it hurts, but that man is out there for you. Tell him to get lost.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:17 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • Why do you want to be with a man that does not want to be with you? Tell him " Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out it"

    Answer by louise2 at 8:07 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • Is there some specific action he has asked you to take against your ex that you haven't or won't? I'm a step-mom and dealing with bio-mom can be exhausting! Especially when me and DH agree that action needs to be taken and he drags his feet in doing so. By entering into this relationship I am agreeing to live with his past but that's not an easy thing to do! It's tough being a step-parent! And we get zero recognition for it. We are allways seen as the bad guy! Don't believe me? Ask any Disney princess about her step mother! As if that wasn't enough we than have to take the brunt of your kids anger/ depression over the divorce and if you don't back him up every time than the kids will walk all over him and disrespect him. On top of that we have to cause no drama with your ex but support your battles from the sidelines. What I'd really like to do is see how big a dent my tire iron will leave in his ex's forehead! Cont.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 2:43 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • You can't make someone stay in a relationship if they want out. Your ex is being a real jerk but no one can change him either. Doesn't sound like you have much of a choice. The kids will adjust in time and so will you. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this, it really sucks.


    Answer by meooma at 8:46 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • Sounds like you need identity theft, and to be able to monitor your own credit to make sure that stealing stops.. For 10 bucks you could have and identity theft 5 point safe guard.

    Answer by kbishop8688 at 9:01 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • I appreciate that you have spent money on legal fees, but surely this is a matter for the police, are you sure he wasn't venting, and feeling overwhelmed by the situation? Does he love you kids? I think you had better beg to go to marital counseling! I would also call the police, credit card theft is something that could put the ex in jail for awhile,, and if he isn't paying support anyway, better he is locked up so he can't cause anymore drama!

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:05 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • Oh wow, I am sorry! You know, my dh's ex has put us through hell too, harrassing and costing us thousands of dollars. She has tried to make my life hell, and turned their child against us. I never ever once thought about leaving my dh over it. It's not his fault, I married him for better or worse. Now the kid is 18 and the ex is out of my life, yay! If your man can't stand by you no matter what you go through he is not a man. Sorry! I know it's hard! You can do better.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 9:07 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • he hasnt done anything with the credit information he has obtained and the police cant do anything until he does. we have credit freezes in place.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:07 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • if your ex is stealing your credit info that should be reported to the police and he should be in jail. I can really feel for you DH here, he is working his butt off to make sure that his family is taken care of and your loser of an ex is making him feel worthless because he can't do anything right and keep everything happy for everyone.. he makes what he thinks are two steps forward only to find out it was a few steps back. it sucks!!

    I think it is time to sit down as adults all three of you and find out exactly what your ex wants, set up boundaries and let him know exactly what he is going to end up doing. gather PROOF of what is going on and take that to the courts. if he works in collections and is stealing your info that will come up in searches of his computers as stalking. Get proof and go from there, the courts can't deny proof!

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 9:11 AM on May. 4, 2011

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