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3 Bumps

Need unbiased advice

My bf and I have been together since '03. We've gone through losing our jobs, our cars, and our home. I suffer from chronic depression and he suffers from congestive heart failure. Here's my dilemma. I want to live in a city near my just turned 18 daughter and 15 year old son. I wanted to look for an apartment in the city but he said he wanted to go back to the country. Now he finds out his ex-wife wants to save money and move in with her sister leaving her apartment available. Now he says he wants to live in the city to help his kids and ex-wife out. I'm very hurt because I am the one who has been with him through his illness, helped him get SDI, even wiped his ass when he couldn't. Am I being unreasonable telling him no, I don't want to live in his ex-wife's home. He also knew I wanted back in the city so my daughter can move in with us. Please help. Need answers asap!! Btw, I'm 46 and he's 57.

 

 

 

 

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mockitaz

Asked by mockitaz at 8:57 AM on May. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (64 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I would feel the same, just sit down and tell him honestly how you feel.
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 8:58 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • Let him do what he wants. You go do what you want. Separate from him.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:00 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • Well how much is the rent? I don't know where you live, but if it is cheaper and or nicer than anything else you could get for the price, I would paint the walls, and once you move in it isn't her place, just an apartment. You will get to be close to your kids if you stay, so I would probably be hurt about him wanting to help, but in the long run your still getting to stay where you wanted, good luck!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:01 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • he may feel that the end is near for him and in some way he owes it to his kids to be there for them in every way he can..especially if he was never there in the beginning
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:03 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • I would have a huge problem with my man wanting to be with his ex.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 9:37 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • This is not an easy situation to deal with, but feeling hurt is your right. You need to sit down with him and discuss your feelings openly and honestly. Let him be aware that you understand his wanting to help his kids, but you also want to help yours as well and hope that you're both on the same page. Suggest a compromise. Move to the city, but find your own place other than his ex's. I'd feel uncomfortable living in an apartment in which an ex has lived and I imagine you feel this way also. But it sounds like you want to be happy and make him happy as well, so don't give up on it. Communicate and compromise wherever possible. Good luck!
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 9:48 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • No choice is going to be an easy one. You are going to have to weigh the pros and cons, but the best choice is the self honoring one. Good Luck!
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 9:51 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • Would you be living with the ex or simply in the exes vacated apartment? If it is in her vacated apartment, while I'd rather find my own place, I'd see it as a way to be nearer my daughter AND stay with BF. If she and or her kids come with the apartment, I'd find my own place. I'm sorry this isn't what you envisioned and I hope you're able to find a compromise you feel comfortable with.
    jmpj8107

    Answer by jmpj8107 at 10:13 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • You re getting what you wanted, but not the way you wanted to get it. Don't be spiteful and miss out on this chance to be close to your kids. Like a PP said, make the place yours. Paint, change lighting fixtures, new curtains, etc
    You have to remembert
    that his ex was a big part of his life once. They are not together and he's not in love, but m aintaining a good relationship is never a bad thing
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 10:30 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • Don't look at as his ex wife apartment. Look at as your new home. Fix it the way you want.

    HomeAlone45

    Answer by HomeAlone45 at 11:55 AM on May. 4, 2011

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