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4 Bumps

Can I...SHOULD I forgive this?

My SO and I had a fight this morning. It started when I tried to explain that I feel like all he ever does anymore is criticize everything the kids and I do. I brought up last night, when he told the kids they needed to quiet down when they were sitting in front of their computers, not saying a word. When I pointed that out to him, I asked him what more he wanted, for them to stop breathing? He responded with "Right now, I want you to stop breathing."

I'm so pissed off at him right now that I can't even begin to put it into words. I don't know if I can ever forgive him for this. My question to you all is, should I even try? I've always felt that we loved each other and would get through anything. But right at this moment, I want to throw up at the mere thought of him. I feel like I've wasted all this time with him, because apparently I'd be better off dead in his eyes.

I just don't know if I should even try to get past this or if I should just give up and start figuring out how to separate our lives. This is just the most recent in an ongoing list of problems, although this problem kind of stemmed from the others.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:20 AM on May. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • sounds like an over reaction to me, he wants to relax and can't so he takes it out on the kids and you for the amount of noise he is hearing. You hear him get upset over not being able to relax and snap at him because he snapped about your kids.. sounds like you two need a break not to break up. timeout time for you and him for a bit. go into different rooms or take the kids somewhere for the afternoon and let him relax and you relax. the pool maybe?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • Sounds like he just slipped and said something stupid. Maybe you guys should try some couples counseling. Sounds like this could all be build up from lack of proper communication. Good Luck.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 9:26 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • If this is a change in his behavior I think you need to send the kids somewhere for the night, and have a long talk with him. You need to start the conversation with I want you to know what you said hurt me terribly, and go from there,,,is he stressed over money, job, or something else? Could he be depressed?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:28 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • We all say nasty things we don't mean in the heat of an argument, talk it out.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:28 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • I would be more concerned that he blames the kids for things when they aren't doing anything wrong.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 9:28 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • I think it was just something that was said in the heat of the moment. I wouldn't put too much into it. It sounds like you need to talk but I don't think that he really mean what he said.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 9:34 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • While I agree that you are over reacting a bit and he probably only said it at the spur of the moment, he should NOT tell the kids to quiet down if they are already quiet!
    Shaelynsmom711

    Answer by Shaelynsmom711 at 9:36 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • I agree with older's response. Sit down and have a conversation with him. Both of you should discuss your feelings toward each other and what your expectations are. Start by examining one problem at a time and ask him to work together with you to find a solution. It's always best to forgive, even if and when you are hurt. Holding things inside will just eat away at you from within and hit you when you least expect it. If talking to him does not work or if you find that one or both of you are really unhappy, consult a third party like a marriage counselor, therapist, psychologist, etc. Good luck to you.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 9:39 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • i think you are both being dramatic
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:43 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • I probably should have mentioned that my ex-husband was abusive and threatened to kill me, so I know I might be overreacting.

    The problem is that we have all these problems, and he never wants to really talk about them. If I bring something up, he ALWAYS (and I do mean always, I know you're not supposed to say it, but it's true) finds a way to turn it back on me and make it my fault. And I know I'm not blameless in our problems, but I'm not solely responsible either.

    Going to a counselor or something is not an option. He won't do it. He told me before we even started dating that counseling was not something he would ever do.

    All this has been going on for well over a year now. Today was the worst fight we've ever had, but the whole situation has been like this since....well, around this time last year, maybe a couple months before.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:45 AM on May. 4, 2011

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