Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

Why do men do this.. when you think everything is perfect??

hey ladies its me again. im devistated once again. I had a miscarriage on april 9 and i was 3 weeks pregnant. i posted all my horror stories about the hospital treating me like shizz. my husband wasnt there with me. he wouldnt help me through any of it. then... on my 1 at about 11 pm ( just an hour from my 20th birthday) he was talkin to a girl that i trusted.. on webcam and on yahoo.. she is 17 yrs old and was stripping for him.. he was asking how long till she was 18 so he can show her how a real man feels and all this other shizz. i trusted this girl i have known her since i started dating my husband when i was 16. he said he looked at her as a sister... who watches their sisters do that crap. this isnt the first time ive came across this crap but it is the first girl i know.. and it hurts so much more. when i confronted him about it he told me hes not sure he loves me any more and that he wants me to waite till our 2 year old son is 18 then we will get a divorce.. when we went to bed he wanted to hold me.. hes been doing it for 2 nights now.. and it makes me sick.. i tell him to roll the other way and he cusses me out. im scared.. im hurt.. im confussed. what did i do wrong.. why.

Answer Question
 
Meghan6391

Asked by Meghan6391 at 11:26 AM on May. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (344 Credits)
Answers (34)
  • I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby. I'm also sorry for the end of your relationship. Hopefully you are not planning on staying with him for 16 years! While he cheats on you with any number of women..don't do that to yourself. Kick him out or take your son and leave. You deserve so much more than him. He's a jerk, an uncaring, selfish, egotistical, asshole jerk.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:30 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • hugs.. i wouldnt wait i would get divorced now. that is bullshit and you dont deserve to be treated like that for the next 16yrs im so sorry you have to deal with that :(

    kylansmommy09

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 11:32 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • Do you have anywhere to go....me myself would be out, I could not handle the fact of what he is doing or saying............sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too...............you deserve better sister!!!
    buttonlts

    Answer by buttonlts at 11:32 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • meooma said it!
    kylansmommy09

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 11:33 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • You did nothing wrong, he did.

    Don't wait. Your child will not appreciate you staying together for him. Show him that a woman is supposed to be treated better. Set an example of how a man should treat a woman by not staying with one that treats you so badly.
    He may not want to pay support or he may just want you to stay around so that he can get sex with you and then whomever else he wants but you are a sure thing.
    I would leave. it can be hard but you can do it. Teach your son how a man should really be. NOT the scum his dad is.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:33 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • First of all, quit blaming yourself. Don't let him make you feel that YOU did somethng wrong. Honestly, my ex did this all the time. I was with him for 25+ yrs. He never changed. And, he brainwashed me into believing it was always my fault. Yeah, well, it wasn't me...it was HIM! Now that we are divorced, he does this to his NEW wife, too. Honestly, I wouldn't stay with a man who is already planning on a divorce down the line. This will never teach your child what a good, loving & functional relationship is. I can't tell you whether you should leave or not. But, I can tell you to do some serious soul searching. Is THIS the kind of relationship YOU want to live with for the next 16 years?
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 11:35 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • I am sorry you have gone through a lot, take meoona's advice!
    older

    Answer by older at 11:37 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • You married a little boy. That's the ONLY thing you did wrong.

    Go file divorce papers TODAY. The moment you finish reading this. It will do your son FAR MORE HARM if you stay in this marriage than if you get out NOW.

    DO NOT share a bed with him EVER again. Get OUT. If you have to live in a shelter SO BE IT. Get OUT.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:39 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • Thats emotional abuse sweetie. Toying with your self esteem is really bad too. Thats harder to get over than the physical. I know, Ive been there. Do you know what narcissistic behavior is? Google the traits and see if that fits his description. In the meantime, you need to stay strong emotionally. Talk to a counselor if you can. Him looking at under aged girls is a crime whether its consensual or not, so beware. If her parent found out there could be some repercussions. There would be if it were my daughter. She is no friend of yours if she doesnt respect your marriage & family status. Id have a few un-nice words with her & her parents..just saying. As for him, you need to really think about how you want to continue on with your relationship. Dont allow yourself to get pregnant again until he starts acting like a grown up with responsibilities. Disrespect is very bad! Im so sorry for your hurt, its not easy. Good Luck & HUGS
    lacyjones

    Answer by lacyjones at 11:40 AM on May. 4, 2011

  • I left him once b4. and he begged me to come home. through in my face that my son was depressed goin to both homes. that he wouldnt eat for him and all this other stuff.. and when i wouldnt go for it and i would go pick up my son he would have alot of his friends over to get trashed and hed call me cussing. when he would sober up he would tell me he was going to kill himself.. hes all insane.. telling a woman your going to kill yourself when she is head over hills for your sorry ass. i want away i have places to go. im wanting to move home (iowa) but i know he would fight that.
    Meghan6391

    Comment by Meghan6391 (original poster) at 11:43 AM on May. 4, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
Coworker

Next question overall (Money & Work)
Relocating to the Asheboro, NC Area