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S/O Isn't it selfish of US?

I was reading through the answers to the suicide question just now, and this one came to mine. Most people said something along the lines of "Suicide is tragic" or "avoidable" or "selfish" or some other negative judgment.

Personally, I've lost friends to suicide and attempted it myself (although I obviously came back) when I was a teen. I have never once felt as if suicide is any of those things for the person who dies, only for those of us who are left.

For me, I figure if they are in so much pain, so much sorrow or at so lonesome that they feel ending their life is the only way to end the pain, isn't it selfish OF ME to expect them to continue to live just because I want them to?

I mean, I don't know about the rest of you, but I would prefer those I love are well and happy while they are alive than miserable or sick... Shouldn't it be up to them when it's to much? Why would someone be forced to continue living a life they are not enjoying or don't want simply because OTHER people think they should?

Answer Question

Asked by SabrinaMBowen at 12:02 PM on May. 4, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 40 (122,988 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • I do agree. My Mother tried killing herself 5 years ago and she is the least selfish person I know and is in constant misery due to her mental illness and still trys to hide that for our benefit. I suffer from similar mental illness issues and can completely relate to her feelings but I just refuse to give in to those - but.. she's been dealing with them for 20 more years than I have also,. I hate hearing those same comments from clearly people who have not been to that point in their life.

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:06 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I have been suicidal but I will never have the courage to end my life. What kept me going was my family. They have been through enough pain due to deaths of family members that I think it would be a very selfish thing for me to do to them. My family doesn't deserve that!


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Try to remember that they are not in their right minds when they are suicidal. What if they were physically sick and couldn't get out of bed? You would try to help them get medicine to get over it. Same with mental illness. So no, it is not selfish to want them to live. Get them help, instead.

    Answer by RockyMtnMac at 12:10 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I would feel it less tragic if the person committing suicide is an adult with some life experience rather than a teenager. I hated every minute of being a teen and high school was the worst time of my life. Had I ended that life then, I would have never met my husband, had my son or gotten to the point where I am now. I would never have known that life could be this good. If, on the other hand, I had reached this age (37) and never known true happiness or love, only hardship & loneliness, I could more readily understand the desire to end a miserable existance.

    Answer by hootie826 at 12:12 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I suppose you could look at it that way. Kind of like the euthanasia question...we love them so much that we don't want to let them go, even if they are suffering. But I look at suicide as being a permanent solution to a temporary problem--and it's never a GOOD solution. Suicide victims often don't let anybody know what kind of pain they are in. If they would reach out to someone, maybe they would get the help they need. As a mother, I'd like to think that I could tell if my son was suffering emotionally to that degree, but would I? Look at Marie Osmond's son; I know she loved him dearly, he had friends, wealth, opportunities that most people don't...but was in such pain that he just didn't want to live anymore. Had he let his family know how he was feeling, I'm sure they would've done everything in their power to help him.

    Answer by popzaroo at 12:23 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • My father committed suicide, and it is SELFISH!! I'm sorry, but sure, life is tough, but was it fair of him to leave my mother to raise 4 girls on her own? My oldest sister was 10, then my other sister was 8, I was 6, and my younger sister was only 6 months. There is counseling, there is help, it's selfish to choose to end your life, if you haven't tried anything else. Yea, it sucks fo him that he missed out on use growing up, his grandkids...but that was his choice. No matter how bad life could ever get I would never ever want my kids to go through what I had to. is it selfish of us for wanting them around, sure, but not as selfish as them for taking so much away, because their life sucked....

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 12:24 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I think it's selfish of people to be so wrapped up in their own feelings they're willing to completely write off what someone has to be going through to drive them to suicide. I understand that suicide is hard for people to deal with, but that doesn't mean it's okay to completely invalidate everything the person was feeling or going through, or to assume that people in that situation are thinking things through the same way people who aren't in such a mental state are able to rationalize. Many who do it DO think what they're doing is best for everyone. You can't say they were TRYING to be selfish or thinking about whether there were children to raise or whatever. Someone in that frame of mind doesn't think like that. And I think its awfully rude and selfish to write off anything they must have been feeling, whatever it was that drove them to it, no matter their reasons or feelings on it.

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 12:34 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I can't give you an objective answer. I have lost 3 people to suicide, and the grief and anger both run very deeply. So does the frustration and confusion. I will read up on the responses, but at this point I don't think you would care for my personal opinion on the matter...

    Answer by asmcbride at 12:41 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I've suffered from very serious depressions in my teen/early 20s and yes, I considered suicide. This is why I KNOW it's selfish, because I never considered that the pain I was going through I was about to cause my family and friends. Was that selfishness understandable? By all means, but it doesn't make it justified.


    Answer by momto2boys973 at 12:44 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I've had people close to me take that direction. Of course I am upset but never thought of them as selfish. That would be saying that my feelings mattered more than theirs. Those left behind are angry and upset. I get that. But I think anyone who commits suicide must have been in extreme pain and despair. These people tried to function normal lives but maybe if they had asked for help someone might have called them selfish and crazy. There is a stigma to asking for help when it comes to feelings of suicide.

    Answer by Autumn07 at 1:03 PM on May. 4, 2011

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