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3 Bumps

Do you feel sorry for some of these kids?

I understand that not all relationships work out, but I think that people don't think about their kids when they are making decisions for themselves and it ends up hurting the kids.

I am a preschool teacher, and before that, I was a daycare provider. Throughout the years, I have seen so many kids of divorced and/or never married parents live separately from their siblings, have half brothers and sisters with multiple step parents, have new girlfriends/boyfriends of their parents move in and out of their homes (with their kids), have visits with both parents then have one parent "drop out" and "come back" over and over.

I understand getting divorced and re-married...but to have a constant stream of people in and out of a child's life, have them broken away from their siblings, HURTS the kids!

Does it make you feel sorry for them? Have you ever said anything to anyone? I have kept my mouth shut and just tried to love the kids a little more, because I don't think it is my place to comment, but shouldn't a family member or something say something to these kinds of parents?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on May. 4, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • I see this everyday with our clients but I do not say anything until they start to talk and are basically asking for advice and all I say is we all have to be more responsible in our decisions for ourselves and our children....most of them want to hear this but its not long before they place themselves in these situations again.
    Its sad.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:18 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I always feel bad for the kids. What makes it hard is that the parents tend to USE the child against the former spouse. Or they are constantly "dating" other people, having them move in and then break up....that's what's messed up

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 12:18 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Yes I often do.

    Answer by older at 12:18 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • On the flip side, sometimes divorce can be the BEST thing to happen to a child.

    I've a friend of almost 15 years who is, well, not very discriminant when it comes to the men she dates, moves into her home 9and then out of) and uses as a disciplinarian for her son. I feel for the child, he is so completely lost. He is constantly verbally abused. I honestly wish I could scoop him up and bring him home with me, even though my own situation with my ex husband (read, abuser) is less than desirable. I just wish she could see how much she is hurting her baby.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 12:21 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • You are so right. Unfortunately the kind of parent who subjects their child to a revolving door of new boy/girlfriends, kids, ins and outs and so on is selfish and probably wouldn't listen anyway

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 12:21 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • nicoles2lilrams said exactly what I was thinking.

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 12:27 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I taught preschool myself and completely agree. It is really sad when parents don't think about the effect of their actions (or lack thereof) on their children.

    Answer by scout_mom at 12:30 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I do feel sorry for those children. I am a single mother my self, I do not date because I do not want to subject my children to that, I'll date when my children are grown. My ex was engaged after our split, they split up. It's just not worth the risk to my children in my opinion. For some people it works, it's not for me.

    Answer by Wildkitten82 at 1:04 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I agree, I have chosen not to date until my kids are older and understand, comment on their feelings. I'm thinking when my youngest is like 12 or even 14. Depends. I'm in no hurry, I have the rest of my life to do my thing. Its time to raise my kids. Their father has skipped out on child support and hasn't seen them in amost two years.

    Answer by SassySue123 at 1:11 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I have very early memories of being a child in the mid 70's where I would overhear a classmate say "I am going to my dads this weekend" I was confused by this concept. I have always felt bad for kids from broken homes. This was a very foriegn idea to me. I guess I was one of the lucky ones. I was married for 15 yrs with 3 kids when I got a divorce. It's true, people who get divorced should be horse whipped just for what it does to the kids. It IS HARD. I understand in some situations it is the less of two evils, but somehow I don't think this is much consolation to a child. I am remarried, my ex chose to not see his kids after all those years..still can't believe it. But, we stuck together, I have 2 LO's with my DH and my first 3 adore them. We have been married 10 yrs and are very happy. My kids are well adjusted and extremely close. I cannot imagine exposing them to multiple men...very messed up. Kids First!

    Answer by salexander at 1:24 PM on May. 4, 2011

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