Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

This is one of the many reasons.......

I will never sent my mom to one of those homes.....

This article left me with a bad taste in my mouth, how come these people's death were never investigated, or the homes charged with something other than a fine, or better yet why are these facilities still open?


Asked by older at 2:12 PM on May. 4, 2011 in Politics & Current Events

Level 69 (2,285,492 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Clicky link ~

    I agree with you older. We built a home for my mom, and will do the same for my DH parents if it becomes necessary. It is wrong to just dump your parents somewhere instead of taking care of them if you can. I know that some things require health care that lay people can't handle, but if the only issue is inconvenience, it's just wrong imo.

    Just to clarify ~ I do understand someone who was abused or neglected not wanting to care for their parents ... I don't understand someone who just can't be bothered or 'doesn't have the time'.


    Answer by Farmlady09 at 2:32 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • you know, i've had two relatives (older aunties) end of life being spent in a nursing home, due to medical difficulties that my mother/daddy couldn't handle on their own. lord knows, they gave it their best shots with both women. nevertheless, we (my immediate family) can all attest to the fact that the majority of nursing home residents never see loved ones/friends once they are admitted, except for the initial onslaught of ''oh gram's is in the old folks home now, i should go see if she likes it'' and hopefully, holidays and birthdays. going in every single day, at various hours, we saw how lonely a large majority of residents were. it is more than sad, its sick..that people 'care' enough to send their elders to a 'good facility' but then don't have time to visit on a regular basis.
    out of sight, out of mind?? more like its convenient to pay the babysitter, and not be bothered!!
    they put more care into their pets!!

    Answer by dullscissors at 3:13 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Dad put mom in one to rot so he could bang his fling of the week. She passed in the home a very unhappy woman. She worshipped the ground he walked on. I was too young to be able to do anything (junior high age). Dad is deteriorating and is need help. I told him not to expect help from me. What confused him all to hell was when I said that his now wife I would take in and care for.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Farmlady I am the same way. I am. Dad just hurt mom so bad. We have other relatives who will take him in. I would rather care for my own. With dad it would not be a good thing for me to care for him. Not saying I would hurt him. My emotional and mental well being are important for not just me but for my kids. He can go elsewhere.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • You're welcome Older!

    I can understand that anon, and since there are others who can care for him, it isn't something you should feel badly about.


    Answer by Farmlady09 at 2:50 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • As someone whose MIL is currently in a nursing home, I will say that it is vital that the adult children who must resort to this for their loved ones do lots of research into the nursing home facilities AND keep close tabs on their elders. We've been fortunate to find places with good reputations and high inspection ratings with the state board of health. However, we've still had to be vigilant about her care. We see her every week and she talks with my DH every day so we have frequent updates about her health and happiness. Before I'm condemned for abandoning her, please know that in our situation, my MIL is 89, is legally blind, and has had a series of strokes that keep her in a wheelchair and needing assistance with most basic tasks. DH and I have a toddler and we work full time. I love my MIL very much, but her full-time care was just not possible. We see she gets the best care we can find. You may face this too.

    Answer by jmpj8107 at 3:34 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • it can be done, but it is very costly, physically and mentally for the caregiver. if the caregiver is 100%fulltime, he/she still needs help. if he/she is also still holding down a job to pay bills, it becomes almost impossible.
    i watched my own mother 'age' rapidly in the 2-3yrs she had her sister in their home. not only was it stressful, it caused my mother/father own health to diminish, as not being spring chickens themselves (60-early 70s), they both began having health problems related to the stress, lack of sleep and lack of caring for themselves, in lieu of taking care of my aunt, who outweighed them both.
    all i can say is 'never say never'..and if you have to use a facility, be on guard daily. once a week visits won't cut it!

    Answer by dullscissors at 5:25 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • My clicky thingy never works will someone do it for me please!!!!!

    Comment by older (original poster) at 2:13 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Thanks for the clicky Farm!!!!

    Comment by older (original poster) at 2:33 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • jmp, I will never face this, because I do not have small children to take care of and my total focus is my mom. Even if I did, I would hire someone to take care of her in my home, but never sent her away some where, where I can't see her daily.

    Comment by older (original poster) at 3:37 PM on May. 4, 2011