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4 Bumps

He cheated while we were dating. What should I do???

Ok I'm not sure how to handle this.I'm gonna vent some so bare with me please this is stressing me out. I just found out the other day that my dh cheated when we were dating & I was living in his house while he worked out on the road. He doesn't know I know. I only found out cause I was checking email for jobs he had me submit his resume for & I saw a strange address. So I looked to see what it was, it didn't make sense. So later on it I went to look at it again & search it & a bunch of deleted emails came up from this woman. As I searched more, I found out he was talking to several women thru emails, myspace & text messages. It broke my heart that he would do that. One women was from Russia & they talked about her coming here to visit so they could see if they could have a relationship. He sent some of the pics of himself that he also sent to me. He even sent pics that I took of him & our dogs. That really pissed me off. He told one girl that he dreams about her. He would come home to spend weekend with me & as soon as he was back to work he was back to talking to them. He never met any of them in person. Some messages are from times when he was home with me. We are married now, but it hurts so much knowing that he did this. That he didn't feel I was good enough to be with. We got preg before we got married & his sis told me in front of a bunch of people that the only reason he was marring me was cause I was preg. I don't want to fight with him about it cause its in the past. But I can't help how I feel. I feel so hurt. I feel like I can't trust him now. I feel like his sis was right about why he married me. We love each other very & don't want anything to ruin our marriage. I just don't know how to deal with this. I don't know if I should ask him about this or just leave it alone.

Please NO rude or negative or judging comments. This is really stressing me out.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on May. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (22)

    Answer by darter at 2:33 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Well, what do you consider rude or judging? If you ask for my HONEST opinion and I tell you that I think this shows his lack of commitment, compassion and otherwise, are you going to think I am being mean? I'd confront him... if you're married, I'd probably be consulting an attorney, just in case.

    Answer by m-avi at 2:34 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Why don't you just let him read this post? When you wrote it you had no idea that you would even show it to him so it shows your true feelings on the matter. Just tell him there is something you want him to read and leave it open for him. And when he is done if he acts clueless tell him you wrote it. And see what he says.

    Answer by myownhappiness at 2:34 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I wouldn't leave it alone and would bring it up to him and have a frank discussion about how you are feeling. Then go from there.

    Answer by Melbornj at 2:35 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • are you sure he was writing husband gets spam mail all the time.. women who want to meet up and chat or other things and its just abnoxious...i know its spam because every now and then i get the same junk mail.... im sorry to hear about your situation...but if you believe he really cheated you need to talk to him about it or it will just build up and drive you crazy

    Answer by jaksonsmommy at 2:35 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • That's a really tough one. Same things have happened in my relationship. Although my BF swears he never physically cheated with anyone. That he only talked crap online or on the phone - it still feels like cheating to me. Wouldn't they be livid if we did the same to them?!?! I don't know that I could help but to ask about it. If it really bothers you, you need to speak your mind. Holding it in never helps. Although, I still haven't totally gotten over my BF's indiscretions. But I'm here if you need to talk.

    Answer by 12mommy3 at 2:35 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • How old are the emails? if they're from several years ago, i'd tell him you know and how you feel but i wouldn't hold it over his head. However, if its from several months ago that would be different. Either way, you have to confront him.

    Answer by Mel_in_PHX at 2:36 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Talk to him about it. You never know what he was feeling/going through while you guys were dating. Just sit down and TALK to HIM!

    Answer by nsrush83 at 2:37 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Have you considered he him not being done with these type of women or situations? I agree, read him this post and see what his reaction brings. you have the right to get this in the open. It doesn't have to be a fight but.. you deserve to get some answers or air this out.

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:37 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Sorry to hear man I feel for you I would be sick to my stomach. I would ask him & ask him if he is doing any of this still behind your back. It kind of shows his character ya have to remember that. I am not saying he is cheating on you, but feel him out, confront him, ask him how he really feels..... ya can't hold this in. See his reaction & take it from there & be strong. This is what I would do...deep breaths.

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 2:37 PM on May. 4, 2011

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