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What would you do?

I found a 2 messages my husband sent to 2 women in our area on myspace asking if they were interested in a married man. They were sent on a day that I was out of town. I confronted him as soon as I saw it. He says he didn't do it and he doesn't know h0w they got there. I love this man so much. I want to be with him, and I really want to believe him. But I know better. After several hours of intense conversation, I truely believe he is sorry he did it, but he still denies doing it. If he'll lie about this after he got caught, what else is he lying about? Maybe this was his first time...IDK. I'm broken hearted and I don't think I'll ever be able to get over it. His answer was to delete his email and myspace accounts and he'll stay off the internet...but who's to say that he's not just going to set up new ones when I'm not around, or if he already has accounts on sites that I don't know about.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Dec. 4, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • If you don't think you can trust him, it is time for marriage counseling. Good luck!
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:10 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • He sent these on Thanksgiving Day. He doesn't like going to family gatherings...and he made a HUGE fuss about wanting to be able to spend a day by himself. So I let him stay home and drove 2.5 hours away to my mom's. Looking at my internet history on our computer, he also went to a bunch of porn sites that day. I am hurting, and could reallly use some advice. I can't talk to anyone I know about it because I really don't want them to think badly of him. I haven't found any other evidence than those 2 messages. We've only been married 6 months...and together for 3.5 years.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:13 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • i wouldn't trust him i would go 2 a marriage concelor
    butterscotch297

    Answer by butterscotch297 at 7:17 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Thats bs..Did he ever admit to sending them? Because we know he did!! If you know his email/ myspace passwords, then i would just "let it ride", wait a few weeks and start checking up on him..he may be "saying" that he will delete them to look like a better person...BUT he may want to just open new ones that YOU do not know the passwords to!! Keep an eye on that man!!
    sydsmom2

    Answer by sydsmom2 at 7:23 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Before it gets worse, seek marriage counseling.

    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 8:05 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • He actually got on there to delete them right away...and couldn't figure it out. He told me to do it later. I already knew his passwords and stuff. I have insecurity issues already from too many bad relationships before I met him...and he lets me randomly go through his stuff for my peace of mind. That's what makes it so hard for me to accept. Did he do it on purpose to get a response out of me? Did he leave them there on accident because he didn't realize it saved sent messages? Did one of his "friends" get on there and write them as a "joke"? Or is it just a lame attempt to get out of of our marriage that has been kind of rocky from the start due to financial problems? Or was he truely looking to hook up with someone and didn't care at the time whether I saw it or not? He still denies sending the messages and claims that he doesn't know how they got there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:06 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Sounds like my man!Honey if I had a nickel for everytime my husband denied doing something retarded I wouldn't have to work! Its instinct in men, you can tell if hes lying if he can look you in the eyes or if he pauses before he answers you. Learn the signs! Takes a long time to break em in right! Face it porn sites and men are like PB&J they love naked chicks! At least he is not emailing to some guy he wants to hook up! IF you keep your eyes open you can see if he was just killing time or fishing for side booty. If you really love him just forgive, forget and move on its a kink that can be worked out if you are willing. Now the ball is in your court so decide what you want.He is only a man! Sounds like he needs some tough love!
    1countrygal

    Answer by 1countrygal at 8:10 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Just suggested marriage counseling when he called me on his break. He's opposed to the idea. We can't afford to pay someone (previously mentioned financial problems)....and he is athiest and won't go one of the local churches for counseling because he "doesn't want to be preached to". Anyone know of anywhere that offers free counseling services that isn't a church in the NW Missouri area?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:12 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • maybe you can save some money to get a polygraph done. then you can have a whole series of questions to ask. then you can get real answers then. especially if he feels he really loves you. save 10 every week till you save enough. gl
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 8:17 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Unfortunately the web has made it easy for people to cheat. Its sad that they dont have to leave the house and they can do it right under your nose. He is lying.... He will set up accounts under names you will never find. You need to find a way to get thru this. Once the trust is lost you will look over your shoulder for a long time. Find out where his head is and why he feeld the need to to what hes doing. Guys like the attention and dont feel itsd cheating as long as theres no sex, guess what if he id doing anything flirting. excessive talking, etc he is cheating rain him in or let him go.
    desperateat48

    Answer by desperateat48 at 9:01 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

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