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3 Bumps

Rebellious 15 year old?

we just got temporary custody of my SIL 15 year old girl! she is just now getting out of jail for possion of cocaine! she will b on probation for the next 6 months and will b doing a drug rehab program too along with counseling! she has been very rebellious for a long time! she says curse words and hits her siblings and such! we also have her 6 year old sis and we have our own 15 month old girl! i never raised a teenager!
so wat r some rules and chores u would give her?
i have some ideas but i wanted to see wat u all could come up with!

 
Caroline2010

Asked by Caroline2010 at 5:06 PM on May. 4, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 21 (10,292 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Make a contract with her. Sit down together and make everything clear up front about expectations and responsibilities and the consequences of not meeting them.
    cleanaturalady

    Answer by cleanaturalady at 11:24 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • first of all you have to lay down your expectations with her or she will bowl you over. Just basic household rules like chores before tv and laundry and room kept clean. Household chores such as washing dishes, vacuuming/dusting on saturdays, laundry on the weekends, cooking dinner once a week are pretty good chores for a teenager.
    daerca574

    Answer by daerca574 at 11:38 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • She's being bombarded with rules and punishment. I wouldn't go that route with her on chores. I'd hold off at least for a bit and let her settle in. I would however, tell her house rules are no hitting and no drugs. I'd tell her to channel her obvious anger in a more productive way (writing, music, kickboxing using equipment not siblings, dancing, wii, whatever). I told my teens that being a family is team work and we all have to help out. I'd give her a choice of what chores she'd like to do. That worked for me and my three teens who hated chores. I'd have family night with movies and/or games. No matter how lame she thinks it is she'll appreciate the time you are choosing to spend with her. She may not show it right away though so don't expect miracles. Right now she thinks the whole world is against her. Show her that you are not but don't let her walk all over you. Teach her respect.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:52 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Honestly, this is something I would be consulting a professional who has dealt with these cases with.
    ethans_momma06

    Answer by ethans_momma06 at 1:04 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Well I'm 20 years old and so it wasn't too long that I was around her age. First off, I know my parents stuck to their guns. Once you tell her to do something you must follow through. I also think you should have her doing some things like volunteering? Make her see the road she may be going down if she doesn't change. Maybe in your area there are some programs you can get set up with that will allow you to have her monitored but at the same time she can keep busy by helping others? Also I know you're probably being hard on her and you ought to be but make sue she knows that you are there for her. That you are always going to be there to listen. I think the biggest mistake you could make is to make her feel like she has no one to listen to her. She may have some deep issues that she feels alone in. Just be there for her! Good luck!!!
    oliviahw

    Answer by oliviahw at 4:55 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I would ask her counselor what you should start with. If she is already a rebellious teen she may get worse with the rules and chores you lay down and her counselor can help with that. I would use consequences for her not doing as she is supposed to.
    tazdvl

    Answer by tazdvl at 8:51 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I don't know that I can give good advice for the type of rules she may need, I imagine the rules will need to be much more strict than the rules I have my boys.
    For me we follow three rules: Show Respect, Stay Safe, Keep in Touch. They encompass everything from doing your chores, to being home on time, to completing homework, to letting us know who you're with, where you're going, when you'll be home. Our rules are pretty basics, get your chores done, do your homework, pick up after yourself, no back talk and keep us informed.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 5:13 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • well for the next 6 months im going to b the only mom figure she has! so she needs some rules cuz she will not run all over us like she does with her parents! and if she messing up here then she goes to a foster home or group home so i would hope she would want to stay with family and get her act together!
    Caroline2010

    Comment by Caroline2010 (original poster) at 5:24 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Okay consistency from you and your dh. Also set the rules the second she comes in be clear of what is expectsed and what will be done if she does not do them. Now she has nothing give her nothing she must earn everything set the control right now. She is in trouble and needs to earn things to prove she can do it. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:35 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Rules, outlined in big bold print and posted somewhere visible in the house. Drug tests -regular and unscheduled and if she falters - she is OUT, you do not need someone addicted to drugs in your house with a 6 yr old and a 15 mo. old.

    Be consistent, be firm.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:57 PM on May. 4, 2011