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3 Bumps

New here, & single & this is my 1st baby, help?

Hello, I am very confused right now. I am only a little over a month pregnant. I am not with nor have ever been with the "father" of the baby.

I told him a few weeks ago I was pregnant, he didn't have much to say. He said he'd call me back, I haven't heard from him. I tried calling him again but no luck...

 I found out he has 2 other children, 1 he "takes care" of 1 he doesn't. I don't know many of the particulars there other than the 1st (the one he is a disney dad to) is btwn 8-10 & the 2nd (he doesn't see) is a baby, no older than 2.

I am 32, live on my own & have a full time job. I have yet to tell my parents, & I am soo nervous about that.

I guess my questions would be how much do I need to try to get in contact with him? Or do I let it go & raise this baby on my own-- completely? Or do I go the route of seeking at least child support?

Also any advice in breaking the news to my parents would be helpful... (keep in mind I am the youngest in an Italian, over protective fam).

thanx in advance for any help!

Answer Question
 
tdot333

Asked by tdot333 at 6:30 PM on May. 4, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • 1. you're 32, you shouldn't be scared of what your parents think.
    2. get a paternity test and a court order for child support after the baby is born.
    3. You can't make a man become a father to a child, you'll be setting yourself up for dissapointment.
    4. Being a single mom isn't so bad (speaking from experience )
    5. Welcome to Cafemom.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 6:34 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Just hope he is willing to get a paternity test taken and seek him for child support.
    campbellb3421

    Answer by campbellb3421 at 6:39 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I was single and 19 when i had my son. My mom didn't flip too bad. I tried contacting and I got as far as you did. When I had my son, I told him and he wasn't any more interested. I chose to not press the issue and raised him on my own. So, far, so good...my son is now 15.years old.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 6:44 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Tell your parents before it becomes obvious! Everyone eventually comes around and gets excited.
    If you don't want this man in your life, have him waive paternal rights. That way if he decides he wants to barge in 10yrs down the road he won't be able to.
    You are a big girl, you've made it on your own so far, you will figure out how to fit a little one in your life
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 6:50 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • If you want this guy in your life & the babies life forever then pursue child support. You come from an Italian family that is close I suspect so You have all the support you need right there. They may freak out in the begining but Hey! It's a Grandchild for them! They will probably be happy & not show you it & when that baby is born, he/she will be their everything! Good Luck & make an appt. with your OBGYN asap & take Prenatal Vitamins. I have an Italian family too. They will give you the guilt but be very happy in the end! :)

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 7:08 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Paulie is totally right on . . . they are going to freak and act like this is the worst thing ever and that you are breaking their hearts. When they get all the drama out, they will support you to no end. . . . just don't let their initial response upset you too much, it is just the way of the spirited family!

    I would try one more time to contact Dad.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 7:14 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I think is time that u take control of the situation don't be scared u an adult what can ur parents say. I know is hard I been there but I was able to do it by myself and with one child already. My kids are the most important people in the world for me. You can do it is not going to be easy but u going to be a great mother.
    babycakes28

    Answer by babycakes28 at 7:20 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I was 23 when I had to tell my parents I was pregnant by myselfand the baby's dad offered me 1000 dollars to get an abortion I refused and he said my choice my baby... 16 years later she's better off I did it I have a fabulous daughter and I am her world. Her dad pays me now but only because nit paying me put him in debt of over 56,000 dollars we struck a deal and he is actually remorseful hemissed out on his awesome daughters growing up cuz now she denies him kinda sad when the shoe us on the other foot!!! Good luck you can do it! Your parents will come around when they see that precious grand baby :)))
    Jellylike

    Answer by Jellylike at 8:50 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Thank you to everyone... I didn't know if anyone would respond! This news that I am pregnant caught me off guard, unprepared, & scared. I am still adjusting, trying to wrap my head around this HUGE change.
     I've gone from being the life of the party to party of one..
    I have been taking the proper steps (with the help of some great friends), I am set up for medicaid (through the baby's 1st year!), WIC, & I found a Dr..
    I am still feeling like OMG is this really happening?? & OVER-whelmed.
    I know that once I tell the 'rents that will be a huge relief. AND ya I know I am 32, I am an adult etc... BUT Oh my mother...
    I think I will try contacting the guy again I just don't know when. I plan on telling my parents next week after my 1st Dr appt, so I am thinking I'll call him before that.
    Thank you again..& if you have anymore advice, please keep it coming
    T
    tdot333

    Comment by tdot333 (original poster) at 8:30 AM on May. 5, 2011

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