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2 Bumps

Why??

why is it that the men that treat us like shit and hurt us so bad are the ones we fall harder for? When u break up with them u miss them the most, more then any other man in the past.....? this is the way i feel about my ex...he was abusvie and mean, he is with another woman now and it kills me to think about....my friends that know him says he treats her like a queen....makes me think what was wrong with me that he treated me the way he did! i have a new bf now been together 5 mos but still think about my ex....idk why, new bf is the man of my dreams but i cant get out of the past!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on May. 4, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Easier said than done. These men who abuse, do so over years and after years and years of abuse, whether physical or mental, it really begins to break a woman down. The same can be said about those men who tell their wife they are beautiful every single morning for 5 or 10 yrs, they will truly believe they are beautiful. It's not about having confidence or standing up for yourself, it takes much much more than that after years of abuse. The feeling of hopelessness and lost grows very deep for a woman in this situation. The man can also make the woman feel that she NEEDS him regardless of how he treats her. I haven't been in your shoes, but my mother was and I hated every second of it. Anyone who was in your life for 5 years cannot be forgotten overnight as some of you suggested, get real. It takes time, a lot of time, and you may never forget him. As for his current relationship and treating her like a "queen" cont..
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 8:19 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • I guess I just hate the blanket statements.


    Had you said.... I am having a hard time getting my very abusive ex-boyfriend out of my mind when I found a nice guy... does anyone have any suggestions.  I could have given a better response.  But when you make ALL of us look like idiots... i take offense.


     


    I suppose my response would be.... until you are a whole person, capable of standing up for what you deserve (specially since you are a mom and responsible to teach another human being about life) you should stay away from men and work on parenting and yourself).  How unbelievably hurtful would it be to your current bf to find out you are still hung up on a man who was abusing you.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • You know... Im sorry... I guess I was a bit rude.


    Im dealing with an unbelievable wussy woman right now in my own life and I guess the idea of a woman who wont stand up for herself is just realllly getting on my nerves... it is MY hang up not yours.


    Im sorry I was rude.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • its part of life
    diana398

    Answer by diana398 at 7:16 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • "we"... who is this we??? I think the issue is with the people who fall under your term of "we".


    "I" have NEVER found a man like that attractive. I know I deserve more, I would never lower my standards that far. I would never allow a man boy to treat me that way.


     

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:25 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • You didnt do anything wrong dont feel that way at all. This is just a phase of feelings that you will get past. Just tell yourself whenever you think of your ex of how you deserve a real man & someone who really is going to treat you good & continue to treat you good after he's got you.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 7:25 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Anonn, u dident have to be rude about it, i feel bad as it is!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:28 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • As time passes the rationality of your head will surpass the tenderness of you heart. When this happens, you will be glad that your ex is your ex and your "love" feelings about him will dissipate.

    Just keep telling yourself that you are 100 percent worthy of all of the love, kindness, and good that a relationship has to offer you. And, by allowing you ex out of your life, you have opened a huge, fantastic door to a world of kind love.

    Hugs.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 7:29 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Women who think this way are stupid. There are plenty of "us" who would NEVER put up with jerks like that and wouldn't miss them a bit once we got rid of them.

    If your ex was "abusive and mean" and you are wondering what is wrong with YOU, you need to get out of this self-destructive cycle of thinking before your drag your life down so far that you end up in another bad relationship. If you new boyfriend really is the 'man of your dreams' then you should respect him (and yourself) enough to put your past behind you.

    Eek_a_Geek

    Answer by Eek_a_Geek at 7:42 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • If you guys were together for a long time that might. I was in that situation with a guy for 4 years and I was thinking in my head that i really cared for him but a few months after i really broke up with him. I looked at the whole relationship and was like what the hell was i thinking.I gag at the thought lol. Defiantly keep in mind how he treated you . I dont know how guys could be nice to one girl but not the other. But he might treat her the same when he knows he defiantly has her wrapped around his finger.
    ladyb155

    Answer by ladyb155 at 8:18 PM on May. 4, 2011