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How do you drop off/pick up the kids?

My ex and I are meeting soon to discuss custody and we'll be seeing a judge together to have it set in stone. We're going to share legal custody, I will have physical custody, and he will have visitation.

The thing is...I HATE having to see him when we drop off and pick up our son from each other.

He usually comes to my apartment building and I bring our son downstairs, and he takes him. When I get him back, he'll either meet me down stairs or will come to my door.

How do you handle this arrangement with your ex? Is there a way to trade off our child without seeing each other?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on May. 4, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • You can make arrangements with other family members to do the drop off/pick up...or you can just deal with it because really..over time it just gets easier.Good Luck.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 8:05 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Yeah, I could try that. It's not because I miss him, it's because I do not like him. He treated me like s*** when we were together, disrespects my soon to be husband, and cheated on me while we were together.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:08 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • The couple across the street from me drop off and pickup at Grandmas house. Mom drops him off and 30 mins later Dad picks him up. They can't even see one another w/o starting WW3. I don't know your reason but maybe this could work for you too.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:09 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • I would suck it up, smile and even say hello. Because honestly if you do anything else those kids are going to notice and it will likely cause problems for them. It's not about how you feel about your ex it is about what is best for your children. As someone who has been through this as the child in a divorce I can tell you that it really messes with some children when their parents can't just be adults and be civil. Don't make your kids feel like they are in the middle and don't let them see that there are problems.

    Answer by kayslay at 8:11 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Well said kayslay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Suck it up and be an adult! I was also a child of divorce and that last thing you want to do is put the kid in the middle....If you can't suck it up and be civil then your child is going to see you as the problem...after all mom is doing everything she can to stay away from dad.... thus it must have been mom's fault..... NOT saying it's true, just saying that's how your kid is going to see it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Also I can tell you from mt experience that how you choose to handle yourself in this situation will speak VOLUMES to the respect your children will have for you as they get older. My mother NEVER said a single bad thing about my dad to me. And believe me there was plenty to say. She never let him get her worked up and never let it show. And I have so much respect for my mom for letting me form my own opinion about my dad. He was a piece of shit and i didn't need her to tell me to see it. But then I knew it was because of my own experiences. My dad always tried to shit talk my mom and acted so immature all the time and would only see us if we met at a gas station and refused to come to our house and I always resented him for making me feel like he was trying to turn me against my mom someone that I had a lot of love for.

    just a thought

    Answer by kayslay at 8:47 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Kayslay, you hit that nail straight on. My neighbors children are seriously screwed up with all the screaming and fighting. Her daughter asked if sher could come and live at our house. If you can suck it's best for the kids. But if you can or he won't avoiding the conflict in front of them is best.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:29 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Well if it isn't because you are afraid of him or anything like that then I saysuck it up and be an adult and it will get better over time. That being said my exboyfriend and his ex did exchange the kids through the grandparents, but not because they couldn't stand each other. They both worked full time and the grandparents babysat the kids after school until the parent got out of work. We exchanged the kids on odd days and would drop them off at school and mom would pick them up from grandmas house after school and vice versa.

    My mom and stepdad had issues with his ex trying to say they were rude and yelling and screaming at her so they got the order changed to happen in a public parking lot that had a security camera they could get if need be since she was the one throwing things at my moms car etc. A situation like that would warrant being transferred through a third party.

    Answer by aeneva at 9:49 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • It's that he is extremely jealous of my soon to be husband, that he's so quick to give me our son, I'm afraid he's going to drop him. I know if he and I didnt face eachother, he'd be more respectful.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:46 PM on May. 4, 2011

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