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2 Bumps

Would you say something?

I have felt for years that my ex likes to emotionally manipulate me. I left him when our daughter was very young and he is in the military so he is stationed far away. He usually takes leave for a few weeks once a year and I usually bring her to him once a year. It's a sad amount of time that he gets but it's the best I can do given the circumstances.

He complains to me all the time on the phone about how much he misses her and how much his heart breaks from missing her and how lucky i am to get to see her every day. It makes me feel like crap because I left him taking our daughter with me. But then when he gets her he hardly takes full advantage of the time he has with her. He had 18 days of leave and I told him he could have her as much as he wanted of that time. I did ask to come see her for a few hours once a week but other than that it was all about him.

He asked me to take her sunday night and I was like excited because i really missed her. Turns out he was going out of state monday morning to visit a "friend" i asked when he would be back and he said tuesday so I figured he would want her back that day. Nope he had plans that night with a friend. Finally late this afternoon I ask him when he's planning to take her again and he tells me friday (no time specified) and sat. I actually had plans last night and tonight because I figured he would have her. I canceled my plans, no big deal. But I can't help but be dissappointed and mad that he has

1) left my schedule at his disposal which to me is inconsiderate and rude (partially my fault for not making him create a schedule and stick to it)

2) pissed away almost an entire week he had here that he could have spent with her. And even the week he did have her he left her with his mother a few times to go see his friends.

I can't believe I let him guilt trip me so bad when it's so obvious that he doesn't miss her as much as he claims.

Next time he starts bitching to me about missing her there is a big part of me that wants to say to him "really then maybe next time you should spent your time at home with your daughter instead of on out of state booty calls and hanging out with your friends." UGGG! Being out of state in the military he doesn't ever see his friends so going out one or two nights while he is home I can completely understand but I think this is just a sign that his priorities are not in being a parent. So sad.

thanks for listening to me vent.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on May. 4, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • I would say something That's just me but you are obviously willing to cooperate when it comes to letting her see him so I would say something.
    LadyMitres

    Answer by LadyMitres at 8:46 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Omg, is your ex my ex also? My ex is military and pulls the same crap. Don't feel guilty about the fact that u took ur kid far away from him. It will get to the point where ur kid won't care. My kid is 14 and she has witnessed what a giant loser he is for not spending much time with her.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 8:48 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • That is what I am hoping is that she will see the kind of parents we are good or bad. I mean i really do want him to grow up and be a good father to her but if he doesn't I sure hope she has the sense to see it and that he isn't able to manipulate her.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:52 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • You said what I was going to:


    Next time he starts bitching to me about missing her there is a big part of me that wants to say to him "really then maybe next time you should spent your time at home with your daughter instead of on out of state booty calls and hanging out with your friends."

    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 9:24 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • You said it.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:37 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • i would definitely say something i wouldnt bring up the "outta state booty call" thing lol because he'll probably think you're just jealous but definitely make him give you an ACTUAL schedule next time hes on leave and let him know its because he didn't take full advantage of the time he could've had with her and just because he comes into town that (like you said) your schedule is NOT at HIS disposal.
    Genice6

    Answer by Genice6 at 12:07 PM on May. 5, 2011

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