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My son just announced that he's gay....any advice?

my 15 year old son announced last weekend that he's gay. This is totally against anything my husband and I believe in and we're not sure if it is true or an attention grabber.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:44 PM on Dec. 4, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (25)
  • make sure he knows you still love him and keep in mind if he is gay its not like he can choose his feelings its not something you turn on and turn off. its not like he woke up one day and said hey i think ill be gay. try to keep a open mind and love him regardlss in the end dont you jsut want him to be happy?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Whenever faced with something....anything....that you're not sure how you feel about.....don't do anything, don't say anything. Just respond with an "ok". Let it be. Watch how it plays out, and you'll know if it's true or an attention grabber. To say you "don't" believe in it....well....if he is, it's not about believing, because it would be there right in front of your eyes. You may not like his lifestyle, but he is your child, and you love him as such. You can certainly set rules that make you comfortable, after all, nobody has the right to "intrude" their ways into your home. However, he is your son.

    Answer by EireLass at 7:47 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • whats wrong with being gay if he is thats his choice

    Answer by butterscotch297 at 7:47 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Well my dd experimented when she was a teen. I found out and explained to her Id always love her but that she knew as well as anyone I didnt approve of that lifestyle. My biodad was gay and died of aids in 1992 and I loved him very much but disapproved of how he chose to lead his life. I told her if she continued to go down this line then that was her choice and between her and God, HOWEVER she was the oldest and I knew set an example for her younger sibs. i told her in no way shape or form would she discuss this with them, she would respect my house rules while she was in it, and not bring over partners.
    Three years later shes married with a baby and another one on the way. And her spouse is male.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I don't think there's a way to really tell, sweety. It's just up to you and your husband to love him and support him no matter how he feels. Just don't punish him for what he says he wants. It may take some adjusting, but he will be ridiculed by many people for it in his lifetime as sad as that is, and without the support from his family it will only make him feel worse. Best of luck, mom!

    Answer by msburnitdown at 7:48 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Whats wrong with it is it goes against her beliefs and the way she raised him which is why shes asking for advice. It isnt a matter of a simple lifestyle choice but accepting something that isnt acceptable to your belief system.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:49 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I agree with you anon, but the child will face enough in his life for it and no support/love from his family and closest friends might make it really hard on him. I'm agnostic and that would be like me marrying someone who is devout Catholic and adapting to their lifestyle. It's rough at first but if I LOVE the person I will do it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:52 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Thats fine and dandy and she can love the child. You hate the sin not the sinner and make it known. Sometimes parenting doesnt end when they turn 18 and they will always do things we might not agree with. My dd lived with her fiance for awhile before they tied to knot. I didnt agree with it and she knew it. Eventually she got married though. It doesnt mean I have to sway my beliefs because she made a decision I didnt agree with. I still believe in my religious teachings and wont change them for my kids. I will love them, but dont have to accept their chosen lifestyle.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • The ultimate goal of a parent to to raise and nurture a child into independent adulthood.  So when they leave the nest they are equipped with the education and skills to live their OWN lives.  What right do you have to force your son to conform to YOUR beliefs?


    Answer by beeky at 10:50 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • As parents we also want what is best for our kids. A person being gay is a hard life. But he is still your son and always will be. Let him know that you love him and will support him in anyway you can. I find it sad when parents disown their children for being gay. He can not help how he feels and yes it could be a phase or he may just want attention. So be there for him and support him.

    Answer by palexander at 11:00 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

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