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Which is more violent?

A while back, I asked a question about our neighbor boy's play habits. He is seven and I caught him making my 5 yo pretend to kill his stuffed animal in various ways. He was telling my 5 yo that he was going to drown it, throw it in the air and let it hit the ground, run over it with the tricycle and bash its head in with a football. 

http://www.cafemom.com/answers/774250/Is_this_normal_for_a_7_year_old?cat_id=&order=&next=1

His mother thought I was overreacting, but agreed to talk to him.  I also found out that he let my son play mortal combat at his house when my son was only 4 yo.  (This child has played mortal combat since he was four  . . . maybe earlier)  His mom talked to him and things smoothed out.  He even attended my son's 5 yo birthday party.

Today, I found him playing a violent game again.  He was thinking of ways to kill my son's mickey mouse doll.  He pretended to bash his head in with a hammer and was telling my 5 yo son to bash his head in with a boulder.  I was horrified.  His mother brought him home. 

I asked his mom whether he had done anything like this at my son's birthday party.  All of my son's preschool classmates were there (from a Christian school).  I was afraid that they might think we condoned this behavior (which would cause expulsion at school) and refuse to allow their children to come to our home for play dates.  

His mom freaked out and started yelling at me telling me that if those parents didn't like it they could F off.  She said that we all sheltered our children and that we would see how bad our parenting is when our kids grow up.  Finally, she pointed out that one of the party attendees tended to horseplay (he is only 4yo).  It is true that he can be somewhat rough, but he is very good natured and is just trying to play.  She says that is far more aggressive and violent than her son's games.

Seriously, is a 4 yo's horseplay more violent than a 7 yo who enjoys planning gruesome ways to kill my son's stuffed animals?

I think the 7 yo is odd.  (Might I add that he has no friends at school and has already been referred to a school sponsored counselling program)  Does anyone else think this is bizarre?

Needless to say, I am drawing the final line now.  My son is not going anywhere near this child.  

I don't understand why his mom is so angry with me about this.  She insists that I am a bad parent because I shelter my kids and my kids will turn out bad in the end.  And she is very angry with the way I parent my son. WTH?  Why would my parenting even matter to her?

I don't think I understand any of this.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on May. 4, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • Well, my son played those games...BUT, he didn't act out in such a manner after either. Had he been like her son, he would NOT be allowed to act like that or play those games.

    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:18 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • Let it go~ I think you know the right answer. Yes, boys will be boys (to an extent). I thought I could keep my 4 & 5 year olds from playing guns...but it is a boy thing. I really think it is just something they are born with. My kids watch PBS, Nick Jr., Disney, so I am not letting them watch violent shows.

    BUT......what this child is trying to teach your child is WAY OUT OF LINE. I think the woman is afraid your going to judge her (for lacking good morals and values) and not want to be friends with her anymore.

    I would be terrified of what he is not only trying to teach your son, but also harming your son.
    ItsJustMe1017

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 11:21 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • WOW! Very bizarre. My husb and I joke that we are the square parents because we do not let the kids play violent video games and stay out past dark. We have seen kids as young as 7 out past 10pm several blocks from our home with young teenagers. Crazy how people parent so differently. I would not allow my son to play with the other child anymore. The other mother does not have the same values as you.
    txnmomof4

    Answer by txnmomof4 at 11:24 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • She probably felt that her parenting was under attack and retaliated. I can kind of see both of your points. My childrens' favorite game is "playing blind", they like to nurse their baby dolls, and I am sure are quite capable of doing a host of other things other parents might find offensive and "wouldn't want around their kids". From your side, you have spoken with her once about it, and if it is not something you want around your kids and your social circle, you are not obligated to revisit the situation yet again.

    Honestly, it sounds like you all will be happy to be rid of each other.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 11:44 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • First off I think its crazy that a 7 yr old is playing video games that are so violent. I definatly shelter my kids, they are never left w/o me and they will be homeschooled. We have plenty of fun togeather as a family and my 4 yr o old also attends sports. I dont feal that they are missing out on ne thing good for them. My son had a friend over not too long ago and all he kept tlking about was bombs and missles bc his dad is in the army and also allows his 4 yr old son 2 attend civil war reanactments so I told my friends son that while hes inmy house we wont be using the word kill and tlking about the army and blowing things up. I do not allow my son to hve play guns either but in the summer my son likes to use the squirt ones just for that time though. All in all you do what you think is best for your kids so dont let her comments get to you.
    LANDENSMOMMYlmk

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 12:13 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • my son plays those games, and many war games, nad we allow toy guns, and most is just boys being boys! As a military family, we look a t guns as a way to protect people, he may be shooting a bear, but that bear is also a terrorist! Or a bank robber...etc. dont look so deep into a little boy being a boy!
    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 6:51 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • There is a reason those games are rated M for mature. A child's mind has a hard time distinguishing between reality & make believe. That poor child has been dis sensitized to violence & killing. Obviously, the mother would rather let him play his games instead of being involved in his life. It's called lazy parenting.

    I also shelter my kids. There is no reason to expose them to violence & killing unless absolutely necessary.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 7:16 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • To me, this "game" is different from just playing war or pretending to shoot each other. There is a difference between pretending to shoot each other and thinking up creative and disgusting ways to kill and mutilate the stuffed animal. Don't you think so?


    This kid always picks my son's favorite stuffed animal to pretend to maim. My poor son was pretty upset after the last time and wouldn't let the stuffed animal out of his sight.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:14 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • This kid is pretty jealous of my son because we have a little more money than his parents. He is always asking me to give him my son's toys. He doesn't even like my son very much because he thinks my son is a "baby." Do you think that has something to do with it?

    His mom says that her son is just "more mature" than most kids his age and my son is just immature. My son and his preschool classmates play very innocent games, like "house" or pretending that they are kittens. When I told my friend that, she snickered and said "They play kittens? My son would just laugh at them. That is so babyish. I guess my son is just really mature," I think that playing kittens is very appropriate for four-year-olds.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:16 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • The video games are NOT the reason her son acts this way i hope she lets him attend therapy the world doesn't need another serial killer.
    Genice6

    Answer by Genice6 at 11:54 AM on May. 5, 2011

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