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How can I make my hubby

admit to himself that he is not in love with me? I have been in love with this man since I was 13 years old and before we got together he was very often mean to me. I think that is partly why he stays with me because he feels guilty for how he used to treat me. I also think he stays with me because of our children. I honestly think maybe he is in love with someone else and as much as I hate the thought of that, I'm tired of standing in the way of his happiness. I know he isn't happy with me but I could NEVER bring myself to leave. I love him too much. My heart is breaking. I don't know how I could live without him but I feel so guilty knowing that I'm wasting his time and standing in the way of his true happiness. He tells me he loves me but only if I say it first. I can tell by the way he looks at me he doesn't feel it.


Asked by Anonymous at 4:46 AM on May. 5, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I wouldn't want to be with anyone that didn't want to be with me, no matter how much I loved them. Best advice I can give is to give him an out. Sit him down talk to him about your fears. Explain to him how you feel about him, but that you want him to be happy and if that means you have to let him go , then so be it. Being in love with someone that doesn't love you is hard. It can also put strain on a relationship and if he honestly doesn't love you he could start resenting you.
    Then again he might love you and is just going thru a tough time. Either way sit him down and talk to him.

    Communication is the key to a great relationship.

    Answer by firepony at 5:04 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • Stop working on the negative and work on the positive. He is trying and you need to support that effort. Perhaps if you do you will learn to accept his love the way he is able to offer it. You have to help. Stop being a doubting Thomas and go after that love with a vengeance.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 4:58 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • Some men just aren't very good at communicating, and sometimes it's normal for the dynamic of a relationship to change with time. Just because he isn't looking at you a certain way doesn't mean he isn't in love with you. Of course I'm only going off of the impression I got from your question, but it seems as if you have more self esteem issues than husband issues. It's sad you feel guilty for standing in the way of his happiness, what about you? Don't you deserve happiness?

    Answer by Ashes0813 at 5:03 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • I agree with firepony, you need to just talk to him, get it out in the open! Explain to him how much you love him but you need for him to be completely honest. also explain that if you are not" the one" that he wants to be with, then you'd rather know the truth then live a lie. You, also need to prepare yourself that there is the possibility he may just see "that's his way out" and take it!  I'm sure this is very painful for you but I myself would have to know too! I wouldn't stay with a man that didn't feel the same way I do. Sorry for your pain!


    Answer by anichols1 at 6:03 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • If when you do sit down and talk with him, and he wants to work on your relationship, I would highly suggest y'all get the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Yes, I will suggest this to all couples who are struggling in their relationship but want to try to work things out. Shoot, I recommend the book to ANYONE in a relationship and want to make it stronger!

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 8:57 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • Perhaps you are projecting - there is absolutely no reason for a man to treat a woman with disrespect. Seek counseling.

    Answer by tasches at 1:52 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • You need to ask yourself why you think a man who stays with you and apparently provides for you and your children doesn't love you. What do you think love is? You husband probably has a different idea of love than you do. Do you want him to say romantic things and bring you flowers? My husband is not the emotive type, but he writes nice cards for me sometimes and leaves me little notes. Why so invested in getting him to "admit" something? He probably sees this as a trap! It's a damn trick question girl, and you know it! If you don't like your situation, either fix it or leave it. Stop wasting your life, this is not a dress rehearsal!

    Answer by dwmom2008 at 9:04 AM on May. 5, 2011