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5 Bumps

Ok so I feel really bad, and I know loads of people will think I'm ungrateful but . . .

I feel really bad when DH's parents buy baby loads of things, I'm sooo grateful for all the help they've given us, but I feel like enough is enough now, I'd like to buy our baby stuff too! But they've already got sooo much stuff that there's not much left to get! IF ANYTHING! DH doesn't seem to understand, and thinks I'm making a big deal over nothing, but I really feel as if their taking over! It should be me buying him clothes when baby outgrows everything, and it should be me putting money aside for the futre, but they've already done that! I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job because they're doing everything, I have visions of Christmas' to come where we get his presents and they buy the big expensive ones that outshine what we've got :( They have done loads for us and I'm so grateful, but I also feel really small and down about it, I'm even starting to feel like a failure :(

 
kylie_bob

Asked by kylie_bob at 9:04 AM on May. 5, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 22 (14,066 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • You are NOT a failure! I know where you are coming from, my MIL bought evrything for our first, including the crib and even went ahead and picked the theme and bought everything giraffe...
    It sort of gets better over time. We don't have m uch money either, so for bdays and Christmases I put big stuff on layaway at Sears or Kmart and then tell MIL that I am already getting it. Like DS's bike. And the castle he begged for.
    Someti mes they don't realize they are being overzealous, especially with a 1st grandbaby. If she insists on buying maybe compromise and go pick stuff out together so you at least have a say and she can see your preferences.
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 9:15 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • My in laws buy things for DS all the time. It's thier way of spoiling him. I'm sure your are just like mine and are just happy to have a grandchild. I remember when he was first born up until he was 3 months old, they bought him diapers every 2 weeks. I miss that now. I was thankful but felt guilty about them paying for diapers. Now I wish someone would buy them,lol.
    Liamsmom09

    Answer by Liamsmom09 at 9:18 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • It will and should calm down, especially after other grandchildren are born - to you and within the family. Don't worry about not buying him things now. He just needs his mama to take good care of him. Take the money you would be spending and put it in account for him. The future is expensive.

    And trust me, the in laws won't end up paying for everything all the time. I just had to pay for 2 field trips for middle schoolers. Where was my buy things for the kids mom? No where to be seen. The money that I didn't have to spend on clothing when they were small is helping to fund their lives now. And we have just entered the "mom we're all going to the movies can I have $20" years.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 9:09 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • Well I would be so thankful if it were me.................remember you are his mother and you cannot buy being his mommy, be happy that they do buy his things, now you have more money for when you really need to get things that he really needs and not the material things in life. You are not in any way a failure because they are buying him things, you are his mommy and that is more precious to him in the long run then some clothes or toys. If they can buy the big expensive things and they enjoy doing that for him be thankful!!!! I had to do this all on my own and I would chew my right arm off to of had the help from someone with not having to ask.
    buttonlts

    Answer by buttonlts at 9:12 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • Don't let it make you feel down. Check any website, there are tons of stores with tons of unique baby things to buy if you really want to buy something. You can buy things that are only handmade or personalized. The market for baby and kid things is totally over-saturated...you can always find something to buy.

    But it won't matter what and how much you buy. Being a great parent, spending time and teaching them is what they will get most out of their childhoods. Being mom is a title the grandparents can never take, no matter what they buy.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 9:11 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • Why not suggest savings bonds or contributing to a savings or college fund for his future instead of material things?
    Shortfuse007

    Answer by Shortfuse007 at 9:17 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • Just tell your inlaws what you told us how grateful you are for what they are doing for the baby. But that you would feel better if at least you two could share the expences , so you can buy your baby things as well. have her check with you first when she's going to get something for the baby. then you can decide together if she should get it; or you could get it; or if it's something you two can go halfies on. That way you feel that your getting things for your baby too.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:24 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • let them do it. maybe next time you can just ask if they care if you come along to help pick out because you enjoy shopping and you are bored.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:10 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • It may sound really mean, but when the "new" wears off for your inlaws they are likely to stop spending so much on your little one. When our daughters were little we had to the same issue, but by the time they were school-aged the grandparents had stopped with the clothes and toys and such. I would keep putting aside the money you normally would for your child. I had a friend who's grandfather kept saying he had all this money put away for her college fund. He died when she was 16 and they found out this "inheritance" was all of $33.00.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:15 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • honestly i am on DH's side on this one. i understand that you was to do those things but hell why not put that money to the side and buy yourself something nice!! they are probably just as excited as you and want to smother the baby with love lol and do so by buying gifts so i say LET THEM. and be thankful that you have the help because i am very grateful for anything that grandma buys for my kids!
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 9:21 AM on May. 5, 2011