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Is it wrong not to feel guilty about this one bit?

Three of my kids are adults or basically adults. My two oldest kids are on their own and my parents favor them over my 17 year old (almost 18). My 17 yr old gets good grades, works full time, goes to church regularly, hangs around decent people and is going to college in a year. He has a plan he has stuck to and is a good boy. My other two, not so much. It isnt to say they are "bad" but both dropped out of college, and have no plan and are always asking to borrow money and struggling. I help as much as I can but I can only do so much. My 17 yr old rarely asked me for anything, not even clothes or shoes even though I do offer to buy them for him.

His cell phone broke and he got me up early and asked me to bring him to Alltel so he could get a new phone and possibly a two year contract. He is just short of 18 so they couldnt give him a contract. I got him a two year plan in my name, which I am 110% sure he will pay on time every month. He has had cell phone service since he was 16 & never missed a payment. His grandparents are forever sending the other two money & never do for him, so I dont feel guilty about it, but he kinda does. Should I feel bad for helping him and not offering to the other two? I know theyd never pay the bill.


Asked by gemgem at 9:59 AM on May. 5, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 42 (148,630 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Of course not. We can't treat all our kids the same, because they are all so different. Each child needs to be parented individually.

    Answer by Candi1024 at 10:02 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • Nope. The fact that your son feels some guilt about it tells me he is a great kid with a conscience and a sense of responsibility. He has prooven he is responsible and therefore earned it.

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 10:04 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • Nope you did a great thing momma! You've just learned your lesson with the other two:) Your own kids or not, you can only give so many "hand-outs"

    Answer by yesmaam at 10:05 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • No, you should not. There were practical reasons here.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:04 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • No, they are on their own, the younger child is still your responsibility. There is no need at all to feel guilt. You did good.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:05 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • No, I have done the same thing exactly, I have a 23 dh and she would never ever own up to her debt it's all about her, my 17 yo would sell her soul to pay it back so no do not feel guilty and he should not either

    Answer by buttonlts at 10:06 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • You have done the right thing, the youngest is still in your home and you are the caregiver... simple enough. The older two are... older, they'll get over it!! Stop guilting yourself!!! We have enough things out there telling us how bad a mother we are if we stay home, go to work, breast fed, forumal fed, divorced, stayed together, gave vitamins, watched TV.. etc... whew sorry, so sick of the society norms that are not norm that make us feel obligated and guilty.

    Answer by Camilletnt at 10:11 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • good


    Answer by Simplicity3 at 10:12 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • Why would you even give this a second thought? He is a minor and your responsibility. End of discussion.  The other two should be embarrassed to still be asking for money.  I think you should sit the grandparents down and point out to them that they are enablers. and to knock it off.  If they can't afford their lifestyles they should still be living at home. 


    Answer by LoveMyDog at 10:33 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • Nope, you shouldn't feel guilty at all.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 11:21 AM on May. 5, 2011