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Abstinence or Safe Sex?

Do you teach your kids abstinence only or do you tell them if they do it to be safe? How accepting are you if they decide to have sex?


Asked by MommaKath1975 at 11:57 AM on May. 5, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 14 (1,390 Credits)
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Answers (28)
  • I teach safe sex.  I don't expect my girls to be virgins on their wedding night.  I have nothing against pre-martial sex as long as they are old enough and mature enough to handle it and they are in a committed relationship.  I won't tolerate promiscuity!

    My 18 year old dd is sexually active with her boyfriend.  She is on the pill and they use condoms.


    Answer by beeky at 7:59 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • I pushed loving yourself- finding things that make you happy as opposed to boys making you happy, respect for yourself and that waiting is better. I also stressed that IF it was going to happen it needed to be safe and whatnot. My daughter is 17 and about 2 months ago became sexually active. Though she came to me before doing it- I didn't "get" it and she didn't come right out and say it (she was just hinting and thought I would figure it out)- so they tried condoms but they fell off and whatnot- she said they weren't working for them so about two weeks later, she came to me again and once I "got" it- I took her to get put on the pill. I'm not super happy she's having sex, but I'm glad she felt she could come to me and that she waited until she flet like she was ready- emotionally

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 12:05 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • My son is only 5, so we haven't had "the talk" yet. I will tell him that abstinence is the only way to 100% prevent pregnancy and disease, but if he chooses to have sex anyway, he needs to protect himself.

    Answer by TARARENEE at 11:59 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • My son became sexually active at 16 (he's 17 now). My 15 yo daughter, thankfully, is still a virgin. From the time they could understand how babies were made, I've taught them about sex- what it's about, who's doing it, who's NOT doing it (but totally saying they are to get street cred), STDs, BC, pregnancy, etc.

    In Perfect Land, abstinence would be practiced by everyone until their wedding day. But in the world we live in, it's neither practical nor expected that a teenager will just abstain. I wanted my kids to stay virgins forever, but I also talked to them about ways to be safe & responsible when the day came.

    There's a reason that teen pregnancy rates are so high in the US, especially in areas where abstinence-only sex ed is taught.

    Answer by EgoTryptophan at 12:15 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Dkhilly I'm not sure how old your kids are, but I learned very quickly that my expectations for my kids' sexual activity were just that- MY expectations.

    I agree that "safer" sex is a better terminology. When it's your kid, you'll take "safer" over "penis roulette".

    Answer by EgoTryptophan at 12:38 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Exactly. The last thing you want is your son coming to you asking why it hurts when he pees or what those sores on his penis are because you pushed abstinence so hard they were too scared to come to you for condoms.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:42 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I would stress both, honestly. My boys are little yet, so I still have a few years.

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 11:59 AM on May. 5, 2011

  • I'm pregnant with my first right now, so I am sure things will change over time. My plan is to push abstinence but provide the information on "safe sex" as plan B.

    Answer by angelmommy11 at 12:03 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • My boys will understand my thinking of why it's better for them to not have sex. They will also have a full working knowledge of human reproductive biology and the risks involved with sex (protected and unprotected). After that, it's really up to them to make their choices.

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 12:32 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Of course I'll talk "a-little-bit safer over nothing at all" with my kids. And of course they will make their own decisions regardless of my expectations.

    I feel like my parents taught me all the details very well, and expressed their expectations (and willingness to talk no matter what) very well. I actually did stay abstinent until marriage...maybe my kids won't....but I liked their balanced approach.

    I went into all my dates, and eventually my wedding night completely educated and ready. I had no false ideas of "safe sex," and I hope I can mimic what my folks did for me...and maybe, if I'm lucky, my kids will make similar choices as me.

    Answer by Dkhilly at 12:56 PM on May. 5, 2011