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3 Bumps

Leaving

I've been with my husband for 12 years. Three years ago, he admitted to several affairs, which I foolishly tried to move past (mostly because I had no job at the time and was afraid I could not support our kids) Ive tried for three years to get past this, but he hasn't made it easy. He gets too close to female friends, is back into porn, and is constantly trying to push our sexual boundries (even to include other people)

Point is, finally I have had enough. I've told him I'm leaving, and his idea of "fighting for me" is driving me nuts. We are going back and forth over arrangements for our kids, I work nights and he work days and we have no clue how we will get them from one house to the other between jobs- and this is slowing things down considerably.

Has anyone else done this? How on earth did you do it?? How did you work up the courage to finally say so long and move on with your life?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on May. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Get a sitter!! Good luck hun... you'll be better off in the long run once you are away from it all!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 1:12 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I haven't the experience, but have known women to go through it. LAWYER UP. Don't do this alone. You will find yourself hiring some kind of child care for the hours you are working... trying to make arrangements back and forth on a daily basis is far too much to expect and will be worse for the kids rather than better.

    Good luck!
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:13 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I guess I should clarify, I have plenty of family who can help me watch the kids while I work, my concern is "sharing" the kids. No matter how much he sucked as a husband, he is a great father and my intention is not to take away his kids. But trying to figure out how he will pick them up at night and how I will get them in the morning (when I get home from work at 6 am and he leaves at 6:30- when am I going to sleep??)

    I worry that I am just making excuses, when I know in my heart what I need to do. But it's hard to actually pick up that bag and walk out.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:16 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I kicked mine out after he came home one night (a week after our 10th anniversary) and gave me a LETTER saying he wasn't sure if he loved me.
    1smartcookie

    Answer by 1smartcookie at 1:17 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Makes it hard being with a serial cheater / porn perv. My heart goes out to you ~
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 1:25 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Do the children attend school? If they do take them to your house and get them ready for school, take them and then sleep until school is over. When do you sleep now?
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 1:29 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Matthewscandi, they do not until August. Right now I sleep from 6am until they wake up around 9am. I'm thinking of moving in just down the street with my mother for a week to see how we can make this work. Then whenever he wants to see the kids, he can just come get them. Truthfully, I think I'm just needing a good strong dose of courage.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:38 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Courage and determination. You don't have to have the perfect solution already worked out before you leave. Just leave and eventually things will fall into place.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 2:56 PM on May. 5, 2011

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