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I have four kids we are trying to blend do you have same rules, consequences for all children?

12 yo stepson, 10 year old daugher, 8 year old daugher, 7 year old step daugher.
12 year old is here 100%, 10 yo and 8 year old leave every other weekend. 7 year old is here one day during the week and the weekends I have my daughters. They all fight and say things are not fair. Only the 12 yo does chores, and recently I have incorporated chores for my 10 yo also.

Should we have the same expectations for all of the kids, at what age should they be expected to do chores? Or have resposiblities?

What are some of the resposibilities you give your children? At what ages?
What are some of the dicipline techniques that you have found that work? Do you have different consequences for different things? Like back talking vs lying? Or hittiing vs name calling or do you use the same punishments alll of time?

Please give me some pointers

Thanks :)

Answer Question
 
lovemamma

Asked by lovemamma at 2:13 PM on May. 5, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 5 (86 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • yes to the same approach. Individualize for the amt of time they are around but if they make their beds starting at age 6 then they all make their beds. If they have to do a chore a day then they all do a chore. If you single out one or the other it isn't going to blend well. Yes, the youngest will have the least but that would happen anyway until they reach the right age. I tend to treat them as if they all ive together all the time it helps.
    Camilletnt

    Answer by Camilletnt at 2:16 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I think as far as chores are concerned that all of the children should have chores as they are all old enough to handle that responsibility. Obviously a 12 year old is capable of more than a 7 year old but they can all pitch in and I think the chores should take a similar amount of time. It's not fair to expect the 12 year old to spend an hour cleaning the bathroom and the 7 year old spends 5 minutes feeding the dog, you know? If you do expect more from older kids it can be offset by giving them additional privileges or a bit higher allowance as a reason that more is expected of them- as in, yes, you have a bit more responsibility but you also get a bigger allowance and you also get to stay up later or spend more time on the computer, etc. As for discipline, I think it should be similar in that breaking a rule means losing a privilege, that just may mean different things for each kid depending in what they like to do. GL!.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:22 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • The basic house rules and consequences should be the same, BUT every child is different of course and things will need tweaking for each. As a rule you should be in charge of disciplining your children and hubby his....for the big things anyway. You will breed resentment otherwise.

    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 2:24 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • they should all have some kind of chores. the 12 year and 10 year old a little more than the 8 and 7 year olds. you can't just only have one do chores when the others make the mess as well. be fair and it shows them how to be responsible and appreciate things.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 3:25 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • All of the kids should have age appropriate chores. We've made our kids do "chores" since they were walking. Always age appropriated. They also should all be following the same basic household rules, etc.
    SAHMinIL2

    Answer by SAHMinIL2 at 4:02 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Everyone who lives there should have equal chores for their age. The one who only visits should be expected to help set and clear the table and pick up after herself.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 4:19 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Have everyone sit down together and discuss these issues. You all need to be on the same page and they should understand your reasons and consequences for rule breaking. Let them make some decisions, like about what chores they want to choose from a list.

    I'm sure it will be difficult since some of the kids move around between houses but they should all contribute somehow with chores and expectations of reasonable behavior.
    RedRowan

    Answer by RedRowan at 10:16 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • My 2 5 year olds get the same everything. We have a set punishment for their crimes and the punishment gets worse the more times they do the same thing. They don't get in trouble the first time the ever do something. WE just talk to them and let them know why we dont want them to do that. My 2 year old doesnt understand "time-out" or anything so we just try and distract him from his misbehaving (for now anyway)
    ABusyBee

    Answer by ABusyBee at 10:21 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • house rules would apply to them all step child or not
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 9:12 AM on May. 16, 2011

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